The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The pervasiveness of mobile phones in public space has divided people over whether their use should be restricted in the same way smoking is. While there are some similarities between these activities, a ban on mobile phone use is not a convincing solution in my opinion.
On the one hand, there are reasons to support banning cell phones in certain places. Primarily, many users are often glued to their phone screens for hours on end, so these devices can be just as addictive as cigarettes are. Minors are most vulnerable to phone addiction, because the distracting visual elements on an electronic display cripples their concentration, in addition to straining their eyesight. Both smoking and using phones, furthermore, possess health risks. For smokers, they expose themselves and nearby people to various respiratory illnesses, whereas mobile phone users frequently come into contact with electromagnetic radiation from the device. Banning phones, at least in public space, would therefore seem helpful in averting several dangers.
On the other hand, it is not always appropriate to prohibit people from utilizing their cellular devices. Firstly, mobile phones have uses, as opposed to cigarettes, which are strictly consumables. People such as entrepreneurs and managers rely on their phones for work, so banning them from doing so would be unreasonable. Claims about mobile phones’ health risk, moreover, are nebulous at best and otherwise unfounded. This is evident in the fact that since they were invented, no outbreaks of health issues caused by cellular devices have been recorded. Meanwhile, many studies into the possible health implications of mobile phone usage have failed to produce conclusive findings. Taking these points into account, there is little basis left to justify prohibiting cell phones.
In my opinion, while both smoking and using a mobile phone can provoke displeasure in nearby people, it is hardly warranted to ban the latter. It may, instead, be more effective to educate users how to use their gadgets responsibly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural noun Original: space Suggested revision: spaces Why it matters: The plural form fits a general reference to multiple public locations.
- 2. Add the comparison marker Original: in the same way smoking is Suggested revision: in the same way as smoking Why it matters: The construction 'in the same way as' requires 'as' before the comparison.
- 3. Remove the extra comma Original: phone addiction, because Suggested revision: phone addiction because Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential reason clause.
- 4. Match subject and verb Original: cripples Suggested revision: cripple Why it matters: The plural subject 'elements' requires the base-form verb 'cripple'.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: possess Suggested revision: pose Why it matters: Activities pose risks rather than possess them.
- 6. Remove the dangling opener Original: For smokers, they expose themselves Suggested revision: Smokers expose themselves Why it matters: The introductory phrase and pronoun create a redundant and faulty sentence opening.
- 7. Use the plural noun Original: space Suggested revision: spaces Why it matters: The plural is more natural when referring generally to multiple public locations.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: which are strictly consumables Suggested revision: which are solely consumable products Why it matters: The revision makes the contrast with multifunctional phones more explicit and natural.
- 9. Correct number and structure Original: mobile phones’ health risk Suggested revision: the health risks of mobile phones Why it matters: The plural 'risks' and an of-phrase form the natural noun phrase here.
- 10. Clarify the contrast Original: nebulous at best and otherwise unfounded Suggested revision: unclear at best and unfounded at worst Why it matters: The revised paired expression presents the two levels of doubt logically.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: no outbreaks of health issues Suggested revision: no widespread health problems Why it matters: 'Outbreaks' is not a natural collocation for unspecified health issues.
- 12. Add the required preposition Original: educate users how to use Suggested revision: educate users on how to use Why it matters: The verb 'educate' takes 'on' before a clause describing the subject taught.
Suggested Rewrites
- space spaces
- in the same way smoking is in the same way as smoking
- phone addiction, because phone addiction because
- cripples cripple
- possess pose
- For smokers, they expose themselves Smokers expose themselves
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is persuasive, clearly positioned, and developed through a balanced comparison of the claimed similarities and important differences between phones and smoking. Its sophisticated organisation and vocabulary are strong, though a few claims in favour of a ban are less convincing and several local grammatical or collocational slips remain. Strengthen the argument by grounding the public-place restriction case in clearer effects on other people and polishing those isolated language errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a clear nuanced position and well-developed arguments on both the proposed analogy and the justification for a ban.
Make the supporting case even sharper by distinguishing private health concerns from harms that specifically justify restrictions in public places.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically, uses focused paragraphs, and manages cohesive links effectively throughout.
Refine the transition within the first body paragraph so the shift from addiction to health effects feels more tightly integrated.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, with only occasional awkward combinations such as possess health risks.
Choose the most natural collocation when using advanced vocabulary so sophistication remains consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is used with strong control, while a few agreement and verb-pattern errors are isolated and non-impeding.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and patterns such as educate users on how to use devices responsibly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.