Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that ex-prisoners can become normal, productive members of society. I completely agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law.
In my opinion, teenagers are more likely to accept advice from someone who can speak from experience. Reformed offenders can tell young people about how they became involved in crime, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison is really like. They can also dispel any ideas that teenagers may have about criminals leading glamorous lives. While adolescents are often indifferent to the guidance given by older people, I imagine that most of them would be extremely keen to hear the stories of an ex¬offender. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these stories is likely to have a powerful impact.
The alternatives to using reformed criminals to educate teenagers about crime would be much less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and talk to young people. This could be useful in terms of informing teens about what happens to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers to speak to their students about crime, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. Finally, educational films might be informative, but there would be no opportunity for young people to interact and ask questions.
In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help to deter teenagers from committing crimes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise description Original: normal, productive members Suggested revision: productive, law-abiding members Why it matters: This wording describes successful rehabilitation more precisely and avoids the vague adjective 'normal'.
- 2. Choose natural wording Original: allowing such people Suggested revision: inviting former prisoners Why it matters: The replacement is more direct and identifies the people clearly.
- 3. Use stronger collocation Original: accept Suggested revision: heed Why it matters: 'Heed advice' more precisely conveys listening to and acting on guidance.
- 4. Remove extra preposition Original: tell young people about how Suggested revision: tell young people how Why it matters: The verb pattern is 'tell someone how', without 'about'.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: leading Suggested revision: living Why it matters: People 'live' a type of life, so this verb is the more natural choice.
- 6. Clarify pronoun reference Original: most of them would be Suggested revision: most teenagers would be Why it matters: Naming the group removes possible ambiguity in the pronoun reference.
- 7. Correct the hyphen Original: ex¬offender Suggested revision: ex-offender Why it matters: The word contains an invalid hyphen-like character and should use a standard hyphen.
- 8. Make wording concise Original: in terms of informing teens about Suggested revision: by informing teenagers about Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and keeps the register consistent with the essay.
- 9. Use precise task wording Original: discourage them from breaking the law Suggested revision: deter them from committing crimes Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended preventive effect more directly.
- 10. Refine the register Original: extremely keen to hear Suggested revision: particularly interested in hearing Why it matters: The replacement maintains a consistently formal academic register.
- 11. Remove redundant modifier Original: school teachers Suggested revision: teachers Why it matters: The context already places these teachers in schools, so the modifier is unnecessary.
- 12. Make wording more direct Original: credible sources of information about this topic Suggested revision: credible authorities on crime Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended contrast in expertise more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- normal, productive members productive, law-abiding members
- allowing such people inviting former prisoners
- accept heed
- tell young people about how tell young people how
- leading living
- most of them would be most teenagers would be
Why this response received Band 9.0
This response is strongest in its clear, unwavering position and the purposeful comparison of reformed offenders with less persuasive alternatives; the ideas progress smoothly and are expressed with highly precise, controlled language. Its only meaningful limitation is that the case remains largely hypothetical rather than grounded in a specific real-world illustration, so the best refinement would be to add one concise concrete example while preserving the current economy and focus.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully answers the question with an explicit position and thoroughly developed reasons for preferring reformed offenders over credible alternatives.
Add one brief concrete example of a successful offender-led intervention to make the already complete case even more vivid.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced effortlessly across focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and without distracting repetition.
Preserve this clear progression while varying the opening of the alternatives paragraph for an even subtler transition.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and consistently appropriate, including effective phrases such as reformed offenders, criminal lifestyle, and figures of authority.
Maintain this precision while checking source text for typographical encoding artifacts such as the mark within ex-offender.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately and flexibly throughout, with punctuation supporting clarity.
Continue using this controlled mix of sentence forms while keeping longer comparative sentences equally concise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.