Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Sample Response
Being a famous person, for example a popular actor or a sports star, is problematic as well as beneficial. This essay believes that fame has more negative effects because it comes with the cost of being a burden to the star’s family, and it can threaten the star’s mental health.
The first negative effect fame has on the star’s life is the burden it puts on his family. That is not only because of the paparazzi that keep chasing them everywhere they go and eventually putting them at physical risk, but also because of the pink media which posts news about them that completely breach privacy and are often related to intimate relationships. For example, it is very well known how much detrimental the role of paparazzi and pink media was on Princess Diana’s sons and they report that those publications and breaking news scarred them for a lifetime just because they come from a famous family.
The second reason behind the negativity of being a star is that it creates an unsafe environment that may endanger the star’s mental health. Being constantly under the spotlights and lacking the minimum amount of privacy in the person’s life is documented to be detrimental to this latter’s mental health. For instance, the famous movie star Marilyn Monroe is known to have committed suicide because she could not cope with a life with no privacy at all, and the same applies to the famous Egyptian star Souad Husni and many others.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the negative aspects of fame outweigh the positive ones especially because it puts a burden on the star’s family and puts their mental health in danger.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate example phrase Original: for example a popular actor or a sports star, Suggested revision: for example, a popular actor or a sports star, Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory phrase “for example.”
- 2. Fix cost expression Original: comes with the cost of being a burden to Suggested revision: comes at the cost of burdening Why it matters: The idiomatic construction is “comes at the cost of,” followed here by a gerund.
- 3. Keep reference consistent Original: his Suggested revision: their Why it matters: A gender-neutral possessive keeps the reference to a generic celebrity consistent.
- 4. Use natural noun phrase Original: the negativity of being a star Suggested revision: the negative impact of being a star Why it matters: “Negative impact” states the idea more naturally and precisely than “negativity.”
- 5. Fix idiom Original: under the spotlights Suggested revision: in the spotlight Why it matters: The idiomatic expression for public attention is “in the spotlight.”
- 6. Use concise wording Original: the minimum amount of privacy Suggested revision: minimal privacy Why it matters: The adjective expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 7. Clarify the referent Original: in the person’s life Suggested revision: in a celebrity’s life Why it matters: Naming the referent avoids the vague phrase “the person.”
- 8. Replace unclear reference Original: this latter’s mental health Suggested revision: the celebrity’s mental health Why it matters: “This latter” is an unnatural and unclear way to refer back to the celebrity.
- 9. Avoid repeated preposition Original: with a life with no privacy at all Suggested revision: with a complete lack of privacy Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward repetition of “with” while preserving the claim.
- 10. Use concise opening Original: Being a famous person Suggested revision: Being famous Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 11. Use precise contrast Original: is problematic as well as beneficial Suggested revision: has drawbacks as well as benefits Why it matters: The noun pair presents the two sides more precisely and symmetrically.
- 12. Use suitable reporting verb Original: believes Suggested revision: argues Why it matters: An essay can argue a position, whereas “believes” normally describes a person’s mental state.
Suggested Rewrites
- for example a popular actor or a sports star, for example, a popular actor or a sports star,
- comes with the cost of being a burden to comes at the cost of burdening
- his their
- the negativity of being a star the negative impact of being a star
- under the spotlights in the spotlight
- the minimum amount of privacy minimal privacy
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear position, supported by two focused consequences of fame and relevant illustrative examples. Its main limitation is that some explanations depend on overstated claims, while several long sentences contain awkward wording, agreement problems, or faulty parallel structure. The highest-priority improvement is to make the causal reasoning more measured and edit complex sentences for grammatical control and precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant, substantially developed reasons with examples.
Strengthen the argument by qualifying speculative claims and making the comparison with potential benefits more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into focused paragraphs and progress logically from the thesis through two supporting reasons to the conclusion.
Clarify reference chains in long sentences so that pronouns and causal links remain immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, despite some repetition and awkward or nonstandard expressions.
Use more natural alternatives for phrases such as “pink media,” “under the spotlights,” and “this latter’s.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but agreement, parallelism, and sentence-control errors remain noticeable.
Edit long sentences for subject-verb agreement, parallel verb forms, and cleaner coordination of clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.