Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people suggest that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from television broadcasts and international sporting competitions. I agree with the notion that such sports should be prohibited from these platforms due to the potential harm they can inflict on athletes and the promotion of aggressive behaviour as a form of entertainment.
One compellingcaptivating reason for banning violent sports from TV and international competitions is the significant physical and psychological risks they posephysical and psychological risks involved. Sports like boxing, wrestling and mixed martial arts are inherently dangerous, as they involve deliberate and forceful strikes againstto opponents' bodies. Such physical confrontations can lead to severe injuries, including concussions, fractures, and long-term brain damage. According to a comprehensive survey reported in the American Journal of Sports Medicinesurvey conducted by the American Journal of Sports Medicine, the injury rate in sports like boxing, wrestling, and mixed martial arts is highremarkably high, with an average of 52.8 injuries reported per 1,000 athlete exposures.
Moreover, repeated exposure to violent sports may desensitize viewers to acts of aggression and violence, normalizing behaviors that can be harmful to society. According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, individuals who frequently watch violent sports on television or attend such events may become desensitized to aggression and violenceexperience a desensitization to acts of aggression and violence. Children and adolescents are particularly vulnerable to the impact of violent sports on their psychological development. Studies have shown that exposure to violence in sports at a young age can lead to an increase in aggressive behaviours.
In conclusion, the debate over whether violent sports should be banned from TV and international sporting events is contentiousis a contentious one. However, I firmly believe that taking such measures is necessary to protect the physical and psychological well-being of athletes and to uphold ethical standards in society.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents an unequivocal position and develops two complementary reasons for a ban: harm to athletes and the social effects of repeated exposure, each supported with specific evidence. Its strongest feature is focused, logical progression expressed in mostly precise academic language. The main refinement is to explain why a total ban is more proportionate than tighter regulation, while replacing the awkward phrase "captivating reason" and interpreting the cited evidence more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both athlete safety and viewer desensitisation are fully developed with relevant evidence.
Briefly explain why safeguards or age restrictions would be insufficient and why removal from broadcasts and competitions is therefore justified.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without disrupting the argument.
Reduce small repetitions of "violent sports" and "acts of aggression and violence" through concise referencing.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a broad and precise academic range, including language for injury, exposure, desensitisation, and psychological development, with only occasional awkward choice.
Replace "captivating reason" with "compelling reason" and use reporting phrases that clearly distinguish a study from the journal publishing it.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor local lapses that do not affect clarity.
Polish parallel structures in the thesis and maintain consistent punctuation and spelling conventions throughout.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.