In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. This trend is not restricted to rich students who have the money to travel but is also evident among poorer students who choose to work and become economically independent for a period of time. The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world. By contrast, those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life. However, there are certainly dangers in taking time off at that important age. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to re-adapt to an academic environment. They may think that it is better to continue in a particular job or to do something completely different from a university course. But overall, I think this is less likely today when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career. My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons. That is the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why. Students with such a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and taking a year off may be the best way to gain this.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: have Suggested revision: take Why it matters: "Take a break" is the more natural collocation for a voluntary pause.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: rich Suggested revision: wealthier Why it matters: The comparative adjective better reflects the contrast with poorer students.
- 3. Remove wordiness Original: for a period of time Suggested revision: temporarily Why it matters: One adverb conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 4. Improve the verb Original: passes Suggested revision: moves Why it matters: "Moves" is more natural for a transition between stages of education.
- 5. Make phrasing concise Original: rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world Suggested revision: relatively limited in general knowledge and worldly experience Why it matters: The revision expresses the same comparison more directly and naturally.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: travelling to other places Suggested revision: travelling Why it matters: The idea of going to other places is already contained in "travelling".
- 7. Use specific adjective Original: important Suggested revision: formative Why it matters: "Formative" more precisely describes an age that shapes later choices.
- 8. Balance the alternatives Original: end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult Suggested revision: end up either never returning to their studies or finding it difficult Why it matters: Adding "either" makes the two alternative outcomes easier to parse.
- 9. Clarify the reference Original: this is less likely today Suggested revision: this outcome is less likely today Why it matters: Naming the referent prevents the pronoun from pointing vaguely to several prior possibilities.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: getting a reasonable career Suggested revision: establishing a stable career Why it matters: People establish or pursue careers rather than get them.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life. Suggested revision: They tend to be more independent, which is important for academic study and research and also helps them cope with the challenges of student life. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty coordination between the relative clause and the participial phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- have take
- rich wealthier
- for a period of time temporarily
- passes moves
- rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world relatively limited in general knowledge and worldly experience
- travelling to other places travelling
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response offers a thoughtful, fluent evaluation of a gap year, with particularly strong explanation of how work or travel can build independence and perspective. Its principal weakness is presentation as one unbroken paragraph, while the disadvantages receive less depth than the advantages; prioritise clear paragraphing and extend the discussion of risks with fuller explanation or an example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and develops a clear overall evaluation with relevant explanation.
Give the disadvantages comparable depth by explaining their consequences or illustrating them with a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically and cohesive links are well controlled, but the entire essay is presented as one paragraph.
Divide the response into clear introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion paragraphs to strengthen organisation.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally across academic and everyday ideas, with only minor imprecision.
Refine occasional broad expressions such as "better personal resources" by naming the specific skills or qualities intended.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Polish the longest sentences by checking coordination and pronoun reference so each relationship remains immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.