Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people assert that when a country is already affluent, further increases in economic wealth do not necessarily lead to greater satisfaction among its citizens. I tend to agree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will delve into the reasons supporting this viewpoint.
To begin with, once a nation reaches a certain level of economic prosperity, the correlation between wealth and happiness tends to weaken significantly. Research has shown that beyond a certain income threshold that fulfills basic needs and provides a reasonable standard of living, the pursuit of additional wealth does not correspond to a commensurate increase in overall life satisfaction. This is often referred to as the "satiation point," where people experience diminishing returns on their happiness from accumulating more wealth. A study conducted in several developed countries found that individuals who earned above a certain income threshold reported only marginal gains in their life satisfaction as their income increased further.
Moreover, the pursuit of relentless economic growth in already affluent countries can come at the expense of other critical aspects of well-being, such as social cohesion, work-life balance, and environmental sustainability. The prioritization of economic growth above all else can lead to increased stress, longer working hours, and a greater sense of insecurity, which can negatively impact citizens' overall quality of life. For instance, in some highly developed nations, the emphasis on economic growth has led to work cultures characterized by long hours, limited vacation time, and a lack of job security, contributing to stress and reduced life satisfaction.
In conclusion, I concur with the notion that in wealthy countries, the relentless pursuit of economic growth may not significantly enhance citizens' overall satisfaction. Beyond a certain point, the benefits of increased wealth may become marginal, while the negative consequences, such as reduced work-life balance can erode well-being.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise terminology Original: further increases in economic wealth Suggested revision: further economic growth Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same increase in national wealth more directly.
- 2. Use precise stance wording Original: I tend to agree Suggested revision: I broadly agree Why it matters: “Broadly agree” more naturally expresses substantial but qualified agreement.
- 3. Use concise academic wording Original: delve into the reasons supporting Suggested revision: examine the reasons for Why it matters: The revision removes an inflated verb phrase and states the essay purpose directly.
- 4. Use a clearer threshold Original: certain Suggested revision: high Why it matters: “High level” conveys the intended stage more specifically than repeated “certain.”
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: diminishing returns on their happiness Suggested revision: diminishing returns in happiness Why it matters: “Returns in happiness” naturally identifies the outcome that increases progressively less.
- 6. Refer back concisely Original: above a certain income threshold Suggested revision: above this income threshold Why it matters: The demonstrative links the study directly to the threshold established earlier.
- 7. Place the modifier correctly Original: the pursuit of relentless economic growth Suggested revision: the relentless pursuit of economic growth Why it matters: “Relentless” describes the pursuit, not economic growth itself.
- 8. Use a precise expression Original: economic growth above all else Suggested revision: economic growth as an overriding priority Why it matters: The revision states the excessive prioritisation more formally and precisely.
- 9. Keep terminology consistent Original: some highly developed nations Suggested revision: some wealthy nations Why it matters: This matches the essay's focus on already affluent countries.
- 10. Close the example phrase Original: such as reduced work-life balance can Suggested revision: such as reduced work-life balance, can Why it matters: A comma is required after the inserted example before the main verb.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Research has shown that beyond a certain income threshold that fulfills basic needs and provides a reasonable standard of living, the pursuit of additional wealth does not correspond to a commensurate increase in overall life satisfaction. Suggested revision: Research has shown that once income exceeds the threshold needed to meet basic needs and provide a reasonable standard of living, additional wealth does not produce a commensurate increase in overall life satisfaction. Why it matters: The rewrite makes income, rather than the threshold itself, fulfil needs and provide a standard of living.
Suggested Rewrites
- further increases in economic wealth further economic growth
- I tend to agree I broadly agree
- delve into the reasons supporting examine the reasons for
- certain high
- diminishing returns on their happiness diminishing returns in happiness
- above a certain income threshold above this income threshold
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with two well-developed, relevant lines of reasoning, using an appropriate example in each body paragraph. Its main limitation is that some claims remain general and the relationship between national wealth and individual income is occasionally blurred. Sharpen the causal analysis and qualify the evidence more precisely to make the argument more fully convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops two relevant, well-supported reasons.
Distinguish national economic growth more precisely from changes in individual income when supporting the central claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, two clearly sequenced body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Make the link between each example and the paragraph's main claim slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly to discuss prosperity, satisfaction, and wider dimensions of well-being.
Refine a few broad expressions so that claims about wealth and happiness remain consistently exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor punctuation or phrasing slips.
Check punctuation around inserted examples and lists to maintain complete accuracy in long sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.