Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people believe that the additional increase in the national wealth of an affluent country does not necessarily lead to increased satisfaction and happiness among citizens. I completely agree with this opinion because individuals cannot derive more satisfaction from increased wealth due to hedonic adaptation and income disparity.
To begin with, additional economic growth for an already rich country does not make citizens happier because of the hedonic treadmill. Humans tend to adapt to their new circumstances over time. That is to say that as people become richer, they are likely to adjust their desires and expectations accordingly. What was once deemed luxury may turn into a new baseline, driving to a perpetual pursuit of even more material possessions. This phenomenon is termed as the hedonic treadmill. By way of illustration, a person who shifts into a larger apartment may initially be more satisfied, but that satisfaction may gradually decrease as he adapts to his new standard of living and wants to pursue further development.
Likewise, economic growth by a nation cannot make individuals happier as there is always a huge income disparity. In an affluent society, income inequality may prevail, and individuals are likely to compare their status and wealth to those who are wealthier, leading to dissatisfaction. In simple words, if there are considerable disparities in wealth and status within the society, then people in the lower socioeconomic tier may feel dissatisfied despite overall economic growth. A case in point is the Occupy Wall Street movement in the United States, a country with the most robust economy. In 2011, the movement emerged out of concern for growing income inequality.
In conclusion, this essay finds that beyond a particular point, the additional economic wealth cannot lead to a proportional increase in individuals’ contentment due to the hedonic treadmill and income inequality.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce nominal wording Original: the additional increase in the national wealth Suggested revision: an additional increase in national wealth Why it matters: The revision removes an unnecessary definite article and makes the phrase more concise.
- 2. Avoid near repetition Original: increased satisfaction and happiness Suggested revision: greater satisfaction Why it matters: 'Satisfaction' and 'happiness' overlap here, so one precise term is sufficient.
- 3. Use consistent terminology Original: disparity Suggested revision: inequality Why it matters: 'Income inequality' matches the terminology used later and is more natural for a society-wide condition.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: for Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Economic growth occurs in a country rather than for a country in this sentence.
- 5. Add the article Original: deemed luxury Suggested revision: deemed a luxury Why it matters: The singular count noun 'luxury' requires an article here.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: driving Suggested revision: leading Why it matters: 'Lead to' is the appropriate expression for introducing this result.
- 7. Remove the preposition Original: termed as Suggested revision: termed Why it matters: The verb 'term' takes a direct complement in this construction.
- 8. Use the usual verb Original: shifts Suggested revision: moves Why it matters: 'Moves into' is the standard expression for changing residence.
- 9. Clarify the desire Original: pursue further development Suggested revision: seek further improvements Why it matters: 'Development' is too vague for the person's desire to improve their living standard.
- 10. Correct the preposition Original: by Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The sentence refers to growth occurring within a nation, so 'in' is required.
- 11. Remove the article Original: within the society Suggested revision: within society Why it matters: The general reference is more naturally expressed without the definite article.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: In an affluent society, income inequality may prevail, and individuals are likely to compare their status and wealth to those who are wealthier, leading to dissatisfaction. Suggested revision: In an affluent society, income inequality may prevail, and individuals are likely to compare their status and wealth with those of wealthier people, leading to dissatisfaction. Why it matters: The original incorrectly compares people's status and wealth with people rather than with the status and wealth of those people.
Suggested Rewrites
- the additional increase in the national wealth an additional increase in national wealth
- increased satisfaction and happiness greater satisfaction
- disparity inequality
- for in
- deemed luxury deemed a luxury
- driving leading
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops two distinct, relevant explanations with effective conceptual and real-world support. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in word combinations and examples, especially where economic inequality is stated too absolutely or linked only indirectly to satisfaction. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and explain the causal connection between national growth, unequal gains, and citizens’ contentment more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly answers the extent question, sustains a clear position, and develops two relevant reasons with supporting examples.
Strengthen the second argument by showing more explicitly how unequal distribution of additional wealth prevents any rise in overall satisfaction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is clearly sequenced, paragraphs have distinct purposes, and cohesive devices support smooth progression throughout.
Reduce explanatory signposts such as "In simple words" where the logical relationship is already clear from the surrounding sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and topic-appropriate, but several awkward or overly absolute combinations reduce precision despite consistently clear meaning.
Replace phrases such as "driving to a perpetual pursuit," "termed as," and "shifts into" with more natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and handled with strong control, with only isolated minor article or phrasing errors.
Check article use in noun phrases such as "deemed a luxury" to remove the few remaining local inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.