Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many people give much more focus on how to create the better education system in order to ensure the country's development. A majority of people believe that the education system is the only essential method for that, however, I do disagree with that statement.
First and foremost, even the best education system could be useless if many people still live in the poor condition. They have to work hard to continue their life consequently they prefer avoiding the education because time spent in schools could be used to earn money. Subsequently, the education system will not increase significantly like the prediction of the people. If a country fails to ensure enough job opportunities, an educated future generation will make much more problems than predicted since neither will they get involved in works like irrigation nor will be able to manage a suitable job.
Furthermore, development of a country would probably be achieved slightly by tackling the urgent factors like famine and health care issues. Those factors are more crucial than the education system. The excellent intelligence which we have gotten through education will be of no importance if we are in unhealthy. Nutrition, sports facilities and vocational training are thus more important in this scenario.
Developed countries like the USA, the UK, Australia, Canada, and Japan have more educated citizens than that of underdeveloped countries. However, they can nowadays ensure proper education system only because they had been able to ensure basic human needs properly first. Countries like Sri Lanka and many others have higher education rate than many developed countries and yet they failed to become affluent nations. Thus, before people go too far to focus on th education system, they should have covered all of the fundamentals first.
In conclusion, education system, no doubt, is a very important factor for the overall development of a nation but this is not the only factor for the development. Many other important aspects must be considered and implemented for the real development in a county.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: give much more focus on Suggested revision: place much more emphasis on Why it matters: 'Place emphasis on' is the appropriate formal collocation.
- 2. Correct article choice Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The comparative noun phrase is introduced generally and therefore requires the indefinite article.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: essential method for that Suggested revision: essential means of achieving it Why it matters: The replacement states more precisely how education relates to development.
- 4. Fix comma splice Original: , however, Suggested revision: ; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before 'however' when it links two independent clauses.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: in the poor condition Suggested revision: in poor conditions Why it matters: The general living circumstances require the plural noun without an article.
- 6. Use idiomatic singular Original: schools Suggested revision: school Why it matters: 'In school' is the idiomatic expression for participating in education generally.
- 7. Name what increases Original: the education system will not increase significantly Suggested revision: participation in the education system will not increase significantly Why it matters: A system itself does not increase here; participation is the quantity being discussed.
- 8. Use natural comparison Original: like the prediction of the people Suggested revision: as people predict Why it matters: The replacement expresses the comparison with predictions idiomatically.
- 9. Correct problem collocation Original: make much more problems Suggested revision: cause many more problems Why it matters: Problems are 'caused', and the countable noun requires 'many' rather than 'much'.
- 10. Clarify employment phrase Original: works like irrigation Suggested revision: work in fields such as irrigation Why it matters: 'Work' is uncountable here, and the replacement identifies irrigation as a field.
- 11. Restore missing subject Original: nor will be able Suggested revision: nor will they be able Why it matters: The coordinated inverted clause requires its own subject after 'will'.
- 12. Use correct job verb Original: manage Suggested revision: find Why it matters: People 'find' or 'obtain' a job rather than 'manage' one in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- give much more focus on place much more emphasis on
- the a
- essential method for that essential means of achieving it
- , however, ; however,
- in the poor condition in poor conditions
- schools school
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement throughout and develops a relevant case that education works alongside employment, health care, nutrition, and other basic conditions, supported by comparative examples. The main limitation is imprecise language and several overgeneralised or awkwardly reasoned claims, despite a logical overall structure. The highest-priority improvement is to express each causal link more accurately and support country comparisons with tighter, more credible explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear position, and develops several relevant reasons, though some support is overgeneralised.
Qualify broad claims and explain the country examples more precisely to make the argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, while some sentence connections are mechanical or weakened by unclear causal links.
Use cohesive devices selectively and make the logical relationship between each claim and consequence explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but recurring collocational and word-form errors reduce accuracy and naturalness.
Review academic collocations for development, poverty, employment, health, and educational participation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains mostly clear, although article, agreement, clause, and punctuation errors recur.
Improve control of articles and clause boundaries, especially in long sentences expressing cause and contrast.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.