Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is claimed that people embarking their career early and keep pursuing it for a long time are more likely to gain job satisfaction than those who usually switch their job. From my perspective, I firmly hold the view that though both trends may bring people job pleasure in different ways, being loyal to one position would make them more satisfied.
Borne employees have a propensity to change their job since they desire to find their real career passion which is integral to job satisfaction. After some time working in a company, those who find it monotonous to continue staying in the current position may change their direction. By doing this, they have ample opportunities to challenge themselves in different working environments, which afford them chances to build up their social network and a wide range of necessary job skills. For this type of employees, it is undeniable that a larger circle of network and skills acquisition bring them occupational pleasures.
However, I believe that the better opportunity for professional promotion by committing to one company is preferable. Long-time employees can gain profound experience and trust from other colleagues, especially their superiors who could offer them opportunities to climb up on their career ladder. This promotion method is applied in countries with deep-rooted employment norms such as Korea and Japan, where employees get a fixed career promotion path based on their working time and loyalty rather than outstanding performance. Professional advancement can not only secure employees better salary, allowing them to live a better life, but also help them earn the feelings of being highly esteemed. This is where job satisfaction commonly comes from.
In conclusion, although occupation switches still offer employee benefits, I opine that people should be loyal to one organization for the professional promotion prospect, which would bring them a satisfactory career and secure a better livelihood.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard collocation Original: pleasure Suggested revision: satisfaction Why it matters: 'Job satisfaction' is the established term for fulfilment derived from work.
- 2. Correct erroneous word Original: Borne Suggested revision: Some Why it matters: 'Borne' does not function as a determiner and makes the subject ungrammatical.
- 3. Specify career direction Original: change their direction Suggested revision: change their career direction Why it matters: Adding 'career' makes the intended type of change explicit.
- 4. Use concise verb pattern Original: afford them chances to Suggested revision: enable them to Why it matters: 'Enable them to' expresses the result more directly and avoids the awkward noun phrase.
- 5. Use plural reference Original: build up their social network Suggested revision: expand their social networks Why it matters: The plural subject refers to each employee's network, so the plural possessive sense is clearer.
- 6. Fix noun pattern Original: employees Suggested revision: employee Why it matters: 'This type of' is followed by a singular count noun.
- 7. Correct network collocation Original: a larger circle of network Suggested revision: a larger professional network Why it matters: 'Circle of network' is not a natural English collocation.
- 8. Use precise term Original: occupational pleasures Suggested revision: job satisfaction Why it matters: The proposed term states the intended workplace outcome precisely.
- 9. Use accurate modifier Original: time Suggested revision: term Why it matters: 'Long-term' appropriately describes employment continuing over an extended period.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: profound Suggested revision: extensive Why it matters: Experience is conventionally described as extensive rather than profound.
- 11. Correct trust collocation Original: trust from other colleagues Suggested revision: the trust of their colleagues Why it matters: The possessive construction is more natural for trust gained from colleagues.
- 12. Correct idiom Original: climb up on their career ladder Suggested revision: climb the career ladder Why it matters: The standard idiom does not use 'up on' or a possessive determiner here.
Suggested Rewrites
- pleasure satisfaction
- Borne Some
- change their direction change their career direction
- afford them chances to enable them to
- build up their social network expand their social networks
- employees employee
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear preference, develops the promotion argument in detail, and maintains a logical comparison between job stability and job changing. Its main limitation is lexical precision, as several ambitious phrases sound unnatural or are incorrectly formed, which occasionally weakens an otherwise persuasive discussion. The highest priority is to retain the strong idea development while replacing strained expressions with accurate, idiomatic career-related language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both career paths are relevantly examined, with the preferred view well developed.
Strengthen the opposing perspective with a similarly specific example before confirming why the preferred view is stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively moves from the alternative view to the preferred argument.
Refine a few sentence-to-sentence links so that supporting details connect even more directly to job satisfaction.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-specific vocabulary is evident, but several collocations are strained or inaccurately formed.
Prioritise idiomatic combinations such as career advancement and professional fulfilment over elaborate but unnatural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite several errors in parallelism and article use.
Check coordination and noun phrases carefully to eliminate errors when combining verb forms or introducing singular count nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.