Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Many people believe that education is the most important factor for a country's development. I personally agree that education is one of the most important components for the growth of any country, but there are other crucial factors that should be considered by the government and the people. The following paragraphs will explain in details about both views and will show my position on this issue. On the one hand, it is true that education plays an important role in the progress of a nation. As more and more people become educated, common society issues will soon be decreasing. For example, in the past, the percentage of illiterate people in China was around 50%. Consequently, many of the people were living in poverty as most of their occupation were low skill workers with low incomes. But then the government realised these inconvenient conditions and tried to develop the education system. Some of the programs were giving free educations for the children and providing scholarships for scientists and engineers. As a result, the country has experienced a significant increase in the economic sectors, and now China plays a significant role in the world economy. On the other hand, there are other factors that should be improved and one of them would be health. Countries that have a good healthcare system will have healthier residents which affect the productivity of the labours. Another crucial factor would be technology as it plays a significant role in the development of a country in this modern era. For example, agricultural countries that use technology for their farming activities will be more productive than the old fashioned ones. As they use tools such as tractors and bulldozers, they will be faster in planting and cultivating their lands compared to the traditional ones. In conclusion, I disagree if education is the only factor that would develop a nation. I do believe that education plays an important role in the development of a country, but there are other factors that should be considered by the government as well, such as health and technology.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb structure Original: explain in details about both views Suggested revision: explain both views in detail Why it matters: "Explain" takes a direct object, and the fixed expression is "in detail".
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: common society issues Suggested revision: common social problems Why it matters: "Social problems" is the standard collocation for issues affecting society.
- 3. Simplify verb form Original: will soon be decreasing Suggested revision: will gradually decrease Why it matters: The simple future form is clearer for the predicted reduction.
- 4. Improve transition Original: But then the government Suggested revision: The government then Why it matters: This transition is more formal and connects the response to the preceding conditions directly.
- 5. Fix collocation Original: realised these inconvenient conditions Suggested revision: recognised these adverse conditions Why it matters: Conditions can be adverse, while "inconvenient" does not accurately describe poverty and low-skilled employment.
- 6. Choose precise verb Original: develop Suggested revision: improve Why it matters: "Improve" more precisely describes making an existing system better.
- 7. Use active verb Original: programs were giving Suggested revision: programmes provided Why it matters: Programmes provide benefits; the progressive passive construction is inappropriate here.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: educations Suggested revision: education Why it matters: "Education" is uncountable when referring generally to schooling.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: for the children Suggested revision: for children Why it matters: The generic plural noun does not require the definite article.
- 10. Use precise collocation Original: experienced a significant increase in the economic sectors Suggested revision: experienced significant economic growth Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly identify what increased within the economic sectors.
- 11. Correct meaning Original: improved Suggested revision: considered Why it matters: Factors are considered, while systems or conditions may be improved.
- 12. Name factor precisely Original: one of them would be health Suggested revision: one of them is healthcare Why it matters: "Healthcare" accurately names the system discussed in the following sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- explain in details about both views explain both views in detail
- common society issues common social problems
- will soon be decreasing will gradually decrease
- But then the government The government then
- realised these inconvenient conditions recognised these adverse conditions
- develop improve
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response establishes a clear, nuanced disagreement and supports it with relevant discussion of education, healthcare, and technology. Its main limitation is presentation as one continuous paragraph, which weakens the visible organization, while recurrent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and then edit plural forms, agreement, articles, and word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly rejects the idea that education is the only factor and develops relevant arguments about education, health, and technology.
Deepen the causal analysis of healthcare and technology rather than relying mainly on broad assertions and illustrative claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable logical sequence, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph substantially weakens organization and readability.
Divide the response into an introduction, separate body paragraphs for education and other factors, and a distinct conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss national development, but repetition and inaccurate collocations or word forms are noticeable.
Use more precise combinations and forms, replacing phrases such as common society issues, free educations, and productivity of the labours.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring agreement, article, plural, and preposition errors reduce accuracy.
Edit systematically for subject-verb agreement and countability, particularly in phrases involving occupations, education, residents, and workers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.