Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is believed that when people fail, it means that he did not have enough determination. I personally disagree with the statement, as I believe that failure is the learning process in life and the following essay will discuss it in details. Some people think that when we fail in doing things in life, it means that we are not serious enough in doing them. Many people think that when people have a strong determination, they will try their best in their work, and they will succeed. Failure should not be an option if things are prepared well. However, many people do not realise that behind the great achievement of successful people, they also have had failure moments. But these people had learned from their mistakes and improved their work, and as a consequence, they got better results. For example, Michael Jordan was dropped from his elementary school basketball team since the coach believed that he had not talent in basketball. But then Michael consistently practised his shooting ability and worked harder than all the other students. In the end, he became one of the great basketball legends in NBA history. Another exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb. Doing so he had failed several times but these failures do not indicate that this one of the greatest inventors of all time had the lack of determination or desire. Rather he learned from his failures and finally invented a working lightbulb that was the base for the modern electric light bulbs we use nowadays. In conclusion, I do not agree when people think that failure is a result of less encouragement and a lack of motivation. I believe that failure is a moment in life, where we should inspect our life and try to improve things. Once we do that, I am certain that we will achieve more in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match pronoun number Original: he Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural antecedent people.
- 2. Correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: Failure is being described as one kind of process, so the indefinite article is needed.
- 3. Use fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The standard expression is in detail, with detail singular.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: fail in doing things Suggested revision: fail at things Why it matters: Fail at is the more natural collocation for unsuccessful performance.
- 5. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: about Why it matters: Serious about is the correct adjective-preposition combination.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: have a strong determination Suggested revision: are strongly determined Why it matters: Strongly determined is more natural than have a strong determination in this context.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: have had failure moments Suggested revision: have experienced failures Why it matters: Experienced failures expresses the intended meaning in natural English.
- 8. Use simple past Original: had learned Suggested revision: learned Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient for the sequence of actions described here.
- 9. Correct negative form Original: not Suggested revision: no Why it matters: A noun is negated with no after had in this structure.
- 10. Use superlative form Original: great Suggested revision: greatest Why it matters: The pattern one of the requires a superlative when identifying a top member of a group.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: achievement Suggested revision: achievements Why it matters: The plural group of successful people is associated with multiple achievements here.
- 12. Smooth the transition Original: But then Michael Suggested revision: Michael then Why it matters: This form connects the action to the example more smoothly without an unnecessary contrast marker.
Suggested Rewrites
- he they
- the a
- details detail
- fail in doing things fail at things
- in about
- have a strong determination are strongly determined
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two extended, relevant examples showing how failure can lead to learning and eventual success. Its main weakness is that some claims and expressions are imprecise, while the entire argument is presented without effective paragraph separation. The strongest improvement would be to organise the counterargument and supporting cases into distinct paragraphs and refine awkward grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, maintains a clear position, and develops relevant support through two detailed examples.
Strengthen the reasoning by explaining more precisely why determination can coexist with failure rather than relying mainly on famous examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses referencing and transitions effectively, although the lack of paragraph separation weakens the structure.
Divide the opposing view, the main argument, and each major example into purposeful paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of vocabulary for determination, achievement, and learning, but several collocations and word choices are awkward.
Replace imprecise phrases such as failure moments and less encouragement with natural, context-specific expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used and meaning remains clear, though agreement, article, tense, and clause errors recur.
Edit complex sentences for consistent pronouns, articles, and verb forms, especially when describing past events.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.