Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Sample Response
Nowadays, young children use computers so frequently that some even use them more than 10 hours every day. Although some people believe that the phenomenon has no harmful effects on young children, I agree that the disadvantages of it outweigh the advantages. To begin with, the benefits of using a computer are widely admitted. As high-tech tools, computers provide children with diversified methods to help them learn efficiently. Animated web pages and incentive applications are designed for teaching and inspiring them to access more information and that process expands their horizons as a result. Also, children are attracted easily by the interactions in educational computer programs, so that they absorb knowledge effectively in a lively atmosphere, and it proves to be welcomed by both parents and teachers. On the other hand, negative impacts of using a computer every day need to be emphasised. Since young children have only acquired inadequate self-control, they are likely to be addicted to computers, video games in particular. Spending too much time on computer games, children will lose their interest in studying as well as communicating with their peers. Moreover, their values and perspectives of the real world might not be well developed once they fall in love with the virtual world, which will have a detrimental influence on their future. Again, using computers for long hours has both physical and psychological effects that would be even more devastating for young children. In conclusion, though computers are helpful to youngsters’ study, the adverse effects they bring weigh more. It is acceptable that youngsters use computers two or three times a week, but parents still need to be aware of the unhealthy information on the internet and video games addiction of their offspring.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a possessive reference Original: the disadvantages of it Suggested revision: its disadvantages Why it matters: The possessive pronoun refers concisely to the phenomenon of frequent computer use.
- 2. Use a natural evidence verb Original: admitted Suggested revision: recognised Why it matters: Benefits are commonly recognised rather than admitted.
- 3. Use a natural adjective Original: diversified Suggested revision: varied Why it matters: 'Varied methods' is the standard collocation for multiple learning approaches.
- 4. Use the intended adjective Original: incentive Suggested revision: engaging Why it matters: Applications can be engaging or motivating; 'incentive' is a noun used incorrectly here.
- 5. Place the adverb naturally Original: children are attracted easily Suggested revision: children are easily attracted Why it matters: The adverb normally precedes the past participle in this passive construction.
- 6. Use the program feature noun Original: the interactions in educational computer programs Suggested revision: the interactivity of educational computer programs Why it matters: 'Interactivity' names the feature that attracts children more precisely.
- 7. Use the correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun 'perspective' takes 'on' for the subject being viewed.
- 8. Use the fixed comparison Original: the adverse effects they bring weigh more Suggested revision: the adverse effects they cause carry more weight Why it matters: Effects are caused, and arguments or impacts 'carry more weight'.
- 9. Use the content term Original: the unhealthy information Suggested revision: harmful content Why it matters: 'Harmful content' is the natural phrase for damaging online material.
- 10. Use the singular modifier Original: games Suggested revision: game Why it matters: A noun used attributively is normally singular.
- 11. Add the duration preposition Original: more than 10 hours every day Suggested revision: for more than 10 hours every day Why it matters: A duration following 'use' needs 'for' to show how long the activity lasts.
- 12. Use a precise reference Original: the phenomenon has no harmful effects Suggested revision: this level of computer use has no harmful effects Why it matters: The replacement identifies the specific behaviour being discussed instead of using a vague reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- the disadvantages of it its disadvantages
- admitted recognised
- diversified varied
- incentive engaging
- children are attracted easily children are easily attracted
- the interactions in educational computer programs the interactivity of educational computer programs
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position supported by a logical contrast between educational benefits and risks to children’s study, social development, and wellbeing. Its main limitation is that a few claims, especially the physical and psychological effects, are asserted rather than explained; the highest-priority improvement is to develop those consequences with specific reasoning while refining occasional awkward collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, maintains a clear position, and supports it with relevant benefits and several developed disadvantages.
Explain the stated physical and psychological effects in detail instead of leaving that final reason as a general assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear introduction, contrasting body sections, and conclusion, with logical progression throughout.
Use more precise internal transitions so additions such as “Again” show the exact relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently broad vocabulary conveys educational, social, and health effects precisely despite several awkward collocations.
Refine combinations such as “motivating applications,” “limited self-control,” and “video-game addiction” for more natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is generally well controlled, and the occasional structural or agreement error does not impede meaning.
Review pronoun reference and long coordinated sentences to ensure every clause has a clear grammatical subject.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.