Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
I partially agree with the statement that failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. While desire and motivation play crucial roles in achieving goals, attributing failure solely to a lack of desire oversimplifies the complex nature of success. Numerous factors contribute to success, including skill, opportunity, and external circumstances.
Desire serves as a driving force, motivating individuals to persevere through challenges. However, in some cases, failure may result from factors beyond one’s control, such as unforeseen obstacles or systemic barriers. For instance, an entrepreneur with a strong desire to launch a business may face economic downturns or market fluctuations that lead to failure despite their unwavering commitment.
Furthermore, failure often provides valuable lessons that can strengthen one’s resolve and desire. Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” This perspective highlights how failure can be a stepping stone to success by refining strategies and approaches.
In conclusion, while a strong desire is undoubtedly a crucial element in achieving goals, it is not the sole determinant of success. External factors and the ability to adapt to setbacks also play significant roles in the journey toward accomplishing objectives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: the journey toward accomplishing objectives Suggested revision: the process of achieving objectives Why it matters: This replacement expresses the idea more directly and avoids a wordy metaphor.
- 2. Reduce nominal wording Original: failure solely to a lack of desire Suggested revision: failure solely to insufficient desire Why it matters: The revision expresses the same limitation more concisely.
- 3. Use concise noun Original: the complex nature of success Suggested revision: the complexity of success Why it matters: The single noun conveys the idea without an unnecessary abstract phrase.
- 4. Avoid repeated phrasing Original: Numerous factors contribute to success Suggested revision: Many factors influence success Why it matters: This revision varies the repeated success-related wording and uses a precise verb.
- 5. Use parallel plurals Original: skill, opportunity Suggested revision: skills, opportunities Why it matters: Plural count nouns make the list more naturally parallel with the general claim about multiple factors.
- 6. Avoid noun repetition Original: factors Suggested revision: circumstances Why it matters: “Circumstances” avoids repeating “factors” and fits the following examples of external conditions.
- 7. Vary repeated noun Original: desire Suggested revision: determination Why it matters: “Determination” preserves the meaning while reducing repetition of “desire.”
- 8. Clarify failed outcome Original: that lead to failure Suggested revision: that cause the venture to fail Why it matters: The revision identifies what fails and avoids another abstract use of “failure.”
- 9. Remove near repetition Original: resolve and desire Suggested revision: determination Why it matters: One precise noun conveys the closely related ideas more economically.
- 10. Clarify reference Original: perspective Suggested revision: quotation Why it matters: The more specific reference points directly to the evidence in the preceding sentence.
- 11. Use direct phrasing Original: a stepping stone to success Suggested revision: a basis for later success Why it matters: The revision replaces a familiar metaphor with a more direct academic expression.
- 12. Remove overlapping nouns Original: strategies and approaches Suggested revision: strategies Why it matters: The two nouns overlap in meaning, so one is sufficient here.
Suggested Rewrites
- the journey toward accomplishing objectives the process of achieving objectives
- failure solely to a lack of desire failure solely to insufficient desire
- the complex nature of success the complexity of success
- Numerous factors contribute to success Many factors influence success
- skill, opportunity skills, opportunities
- factors circumstances
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a nuanced position and supports it with relevant, clearly sequenced arguments and precise language. Its main limitation is substantial underlength, which restricts the depth and breadth of development expected for this task, particularly around the role of desire itself. The highest priority is to extend the analysis with a more fully explained counterargument or additional evidence while preserving the current clarity and control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant ideas are supported effectively, but the response is substantially underlength and therefore lacks the fuller development expected for the task.
Develop the role of desire more fully and add a well-explained counterargument or example to reach an appropriate task length.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically ordered, paragraphs have clear purposes, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without drawing attention.
Preserve this controlled progression while expanding the body so that added detail remains clearly grouped and proportioned.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally, with effective academic phrasing and consistently appropriate word choice.
Maintain this precision while varying a few repeated words such as desire, failure, and success when extending the discussion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures accurately, and nearly all sentences are error-free and easy to follow.
Sustain the same grammatical control across a longer response, especially when adding more elaborate counterargument sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.