In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In the present era, world’s people are facing the ultimate fact that our young generations are experiencing severe health related illness from the very beginning of their life and it is due to excess junk food consumption. To forbid the worrying condition, the state is approaching some essential steps and one of them is an enhancement of taxes on convenience food. Thus, I partially agree with the given opinion. As in today’s world, it is one of the most sparkling heated debates. I believe that our leaders should have an eye for finding out some other solutions because only increasing the taxes on fast foods will not hamper the ratio of junk food intake.
First of all, as we know that, our teenagers are the prime customers for the convenience meals, where most of them are unaware of devastating health hazards of eating junk foods. At the same time we can ask, is it their fault? I don’t think so. They should be made aware of the long-term consequences of junk food consumption and it is plausible in several ways. For example, broadcasting health related adverts on children’s TV channels, introducing topics into their conventional education regarding dangerous health effects on fast food taking. In addition to, parents could play an important role in combating this worldwide problem by giving their children proper advice and guidelines of having balance diet.
Moreover, nowadays people are leading a busy pace of life. Thus they scarcely think of their regular diet, even some of them have no idea about what they are eating. Therefore, people are depending on takeaway meals for their daily livelihood. The government should impose rules on the working schedules so that folks could enjoy their meals with adequate nutritious knowledge.
To conclude, in some of the global areas folks are becoming more habituated to convenience food despite realising that they will suffer from heart diseases, obesity and dyslipidaemia in very near future, where only raising the food revenue will not slow down the tasty and unsafe junk food consumption.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural expression Original: world’s people Suggested revision: people worldwide Why it matters: 'People worldwide' is the idiomatic way to refer to the global population.
- 2. Choose accurate wording Original: the ultimate fact Suggested revision: the troubling reality Why it matters: 'Ultimate fact' does not express the intended idea of a serious current situation.
- 3. Use correct noun form Original: our young generations Suggested revision: younger generations Why it matters: The comparative adjective naturally identifies people from more recent generations without an unnecessary possessive.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: from the very beginning of their life Suggested revision: from early in life Why it matters: The revision expresses the timing naturally and avoids an awkward singular reference.
- 5. Use accurate verb Original: forbid Suggested revision: address Why it matters: A condition can be addressed, whereas 'forbid' means to prohibit an action.
- 6. Fix verb collocation Original: the state is approaching some essential steps Suggested revision: the government is taking several necessary steps Why it matters: English uses 'take steps' for measures adopted by a government.
- 7. Use tax collocation Original: an enhancement of taxes Suggested revision: an increase in taxes Why it matters: Taxes are increased rather than enhanced in this context.
- 8. Replace awkward idiom Original: should have an eye for finding out Suggested revision: should seek Why it matters: The original expression is not idiomatic for actively looking for solutions.
- 9. Express reduction clearly Original: will not hamper the ratio Suggested revision: will not reduce the amount Why it matters: 'Hamper a ratio' is not a natural collocation for describing food consumption.
- 10. Remove intrusive filler Original: First of all, as we know that, Suggested revision: First of all, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase is grammatically incomplete and interrupts the opening claim.
- 11. Use correct preposition Original: customers for the convenience meals Suggested revision: consumers of convenience meals Why it matters: 'Consumers of' is the natural construction for people who regularly eat a type of food.
- 12. Fix relative clause Original: where most of them Suggested revision: many of whom Why it matters: A relative clause referring to people needs 'whom' rather than the place adverb 'where'.
Suggested Rewrites
- world’s people people worldwide
- the ultimate fact the troubling reality
- our young generations younger generations
- from the very beginning of their life from early in life
- forbid address
- the state is approaching some essential steps the government is taking several necessary steps
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response establishes a discernible position and offers relevant alternatives such as education, parental guidance, and changes to working conditions. However, it gives limited direct analysis of whether higher taxation itself is necessary or effective, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical lapses weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a focused comparison of taxation with the proposed alternatives and support each claim with clear causal reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A partial-agreement position is stated, but the essay mainly proposes alternatives and only briefly examines the tax policy in the question.
Explain explicitly whether a higher tax would reduce consumption, why it may be insufficient, and how the alternatives would work better.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression and paragraph structure, although some sentences and examples connect loosely to the central argument.
Give each body paragraph one clear controlling idea that directly supports the stated position on taxation.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows reasonable range, but recurrent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Prioritize accurate combinations such as balanced diet, health effects of fast food, and reduce consumption over elaborate but imprecise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-boundary errors remain noticeable.
Edit each sentence for a complete clause structure and check articles, plurals, and prepositions before adding complex phrasing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.