Schools and libraries should ban computer games from their premises to stop students from wasting time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Computer games have their advantages in terms of enhancing imagination, hand-eye coordination, cognitive development and increasing computer operational skills. However, this is a double-edged sword which can negatively affect students if they spend too much time on computer games and get addicted to those games. I completely agree that computer games should be prohibited in classrooms, schools and libraries. There are various reasons for my opinion and the following paragraphs will discuss my reasons in details.
First of all, academic boundaries and libraries are primarily for gathering knowledge, learning new lessons and focusing on study. If students start playing computer games in classrooms and in libraries, they will definitely be distracted from their main objective in schools and thus they will perform very poorly in exams. This will have a very negative consequence both on the school authorities and students. Hence banning computer games from school and library premises is a good idea.
Second, computer games are very addictive, especially the modern strategic games that require hours after hours for a gamer to play in front of computers. Those games are obviously more alluring for young students and if they are allowed they will play those digital games all day long. This is a huge waste of valuable time which could have been used for learning new things and for gathering knowledge.
Again, every activity has its proper places and times. Banning computer games from school premises only make sure that students spend their time prudently. If someone finds computer games informative and helpful, he can play it home or in other places than the schools and libraries. Finally, too much computer games can decrease a student’s eye-sight, negatively affect his psychology and can increase violent activities which would be very detrimental to the future of a student. The bloodshed and violence used in many computer games would definitely ruin the peaceful environment a school premise needs to ensure quality education.
Considering all the above points, I strongly agree that completely banning computer games in school and library premises is a very good idea for the betterment of all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural terminology Original: computer operational skills Suggested revision: computer skills Why it matters: The shorter phrase is the standard term and retains the intended meaning.
- 2. Use defining relative Original: a double-edged sword which Suggested revision: a double-edged sword that Why it matters: That is the more natural relative pronoun in this defining clause.
- 3. Avoid repetition Original: get addicted to those games Suggested revision: become addicted to them Why it matters: The replacement avoids repeating computer games and uses a more natural verb.
- 4. Clarify the scope Original: prohibited in classrooms, schools and libraries Suggested revision: prohibited on school and library premises Why it matters: The replacement removes the overlap between classrooms and schools.
- 5. Use fixed expression Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: The fixed phrase is in detail, with the singular noun.
- 6. Correct word choice Original: academic boundaries Suggested revision: schools Why it matters: Boundaries means limits and does not refer to educational institutions.
- 7. Use natural gerund Original: focusing on study Suggested revision: focusing on studying Why it matters: Studying is the more natural activity noun in this parallel list.
- 8. State focus concisely Original: their main objective in schools Suggested revision: their studies Why it matters: The replacement identifies the intended academic focus directly.
- 9. Correct number and preposition Original: a very negative consequence both on Suggested revision: very negative consequences for both Why it matters: The two affected groups call for the plural consequences and the preposition for.
- 10. Add transition comma Original: Hence banning Suggested revision: Hence, banning Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory conjunctive adverb.
- 11. Use fixed expression Original: hours after hours Suggested revision: hour after hour Why it matters: Hour after hour is the idiomatic expression for a long repeated duration.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: for a gamer to play in front of computers Suggested revision: of play at a computer Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary wording and uses the natural preposition at.
Suggested Rewrites
- computer operational skills computer skills
- a double-edged sword which a double-edged sword that
- get addicted to those games become addicted to them
- prohibited in classrooms, schools and libraries prohibited on school and library premises
- in details in detail
- academic boundaries schools
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response sustains a clear position and organises several relevant reasons into a readily followed argument, with the distinction between school use and play elsewhere adding useful nuance. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in grammar and collocation, alongside some exaggerated claims that receive little support. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer reasons with credible explanation while correcting agreement, countability, and preposition errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and supported by several relevant reasons, although some later claims are asserted rather than developed.
Prioritise the strongest reasons and support each with a realistic explanation or example instead of adding broad health and violence claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a clear paragraph sequence with effective overall progression, though some linking is formulaic.
Use more meaning-based transitions between reasons and integrate the final supporting points into a more unified paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response displays a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce precision.
Improve natural combinations such as educational settings, for hours on end, play at home, and violent behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates ideas clearly, but agreement, countability, article, and preposition errors recur.
Check singular-plural agreement and countable forms, especially in phrases involving games, premises, and a student's eyesight.