In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to research other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true, that if present trends continue, it will become increasingly difficult to sustain human life on Earth. While I agree that it is vital to tackle this problem. I believe that expenditure on research for new planets to colonise should be given a low priority, and resources must be used to find other, more practical solutions.
There are two major reasons why life on Earth is becoming more and more unsustainable. One obvious problem is the uncontrolled consumption of natural resources, which are being depleted as a result. For instance, the extraction of fossil fuels, such as coal, gas and oil to satisfy growing energy demands has serious environmental impacts, and these resources will eventually run out. Another concern is the rising level of pollution worldwide, of the land, the oceans and the air that we breathe. In India, for example, thousands of tons of industrial rubbish have been released illegally into rivers, killing aquatic life and contaminating drinking water.
However, the search for a new planet on which humans could survive is a waste of valuable resources. Firstly, a vast amount of funding would be required to finance such space exploration, with no guarantee of success. This money is needed now to improve health services globally and to provide better education for all. Secondly, financial resources should be used to develop advanced technologies that would be more environmentally- friendly and provide renew able energy. In the field of transport, to take a simple example, vehicles can now be converted to run on hydrogen or even waste cooking oil – as McDonald’s have done with their trucks.
In conclusion, the search for new planets on which to settle is a waste of time and resources, and efforts should be concentrated on living more sustainably here on Earth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the stray comma Original: true, that Suggested revision: true that Why it matters: A comma should not separate 'true' from the following that-clause.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: more and more unsustainable Suggested revision: increasingly unsustainable Why it matters: 'Increasingly' expresses the same change more concisely.
- 3. Close the example phrase Original: gas and oil to satisfy Suggested revision: gas and oil, to satisfy Why it matters: The comma closes the parenthetical list before the purpose phrase resumes.
- 4. Clarify the pollution types Original: pollution worldwide, of the land, the oceans and the air that we breathe Suggested revision: pollution of the world's land, oceans and air Why it matters: The original attachment is awkward and obscures what is being polluted.
- 5. Tighten the expression Original: a vast amount of funding Suggested revision: substantial funding Why it matters: The replacement is more concise while preserving the scale of the required investment.
- 6. Avoid funding repetition Original: finance Suggested revision: fund Why it matters: The verb 'fund' is more direct beside the preceding noun 'funding'.
- 7. Make the example direct Original: In the field of transport, to take a simple example Suggested revision: For example, in transport Why it matters: The shorter transition introduces the transport example more directly.
- 8. Choose a precise verb Original: converted Suggested revision: adapted Why it matters: 'Adapted' more naturally describes modifying vehicles to use another fuel.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: While I agree that it is vital to tackle this problem. I believe that expenditure on research for new planets to colonise should be given a low priority, and resources must be used to find other, more practical solutions. Suggested revision: While I agree that it is vital to tackle this problem, I believe that research into planets that could be colonised should receive low priority and that resources should be used to find more practical solutions. Why it matters: Join the dependent 'while' clause to the main clause and clarify the parallel structure.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: One obvious problem is the uncontrolled consumption of natural resources, which are being depleted as a result. Suggested revision: One obvious problem is uncontrolled consumption, which is depleting natural resources. Why it matters: The revision makes consumption the clear cause and removes the loose relative-clause reference.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Secondly, financial resources should be used to develop advanced technologies that would be more environmentally- friendly and provide renew able energy. Suggested revision: Secondly, financial resources should be used to develop environmentally friendly technologies that can supply renewable energy. Why it matters: The revision corrects the malformed compounds and makes the technology-energy relationship clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- true, that true that
- more and more unsustainable increasingly unsustainable
- gas and oil to satisfy gas and oil, to satisfy
- pollution worldwide, of the land, the oceans and the air that we breathe pollution of the world's land, oceans and air
- a vast amount of funding substantial funding
- finance fund
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response states a clear position, develops a coherent case for prioritising practical solutions on Earth, and supports it with specific examples and a strong range of vocabulary. The main limitation is that the first body paragraph explains environmental threats more than it evaluates spending on planetary research, while several sentence-boundary and agreement errors reduce grammatical polish. The highest-priority improvement is to connect every main paragraph more directly to the funding decision in the question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and supported, although part of the development focuses more on Earth's problems than the proposed research expenditure.
Make each body paragraph explicitly evaluate why funding planetary research is or is not the best response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear progression, with effective paragraphing and well-managed links between ideas.
Integrate enumerating devices more subtly to make the progression feel less signposted.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately academic, with effective language for environmental and funding issues.
Eliminate distracting word-form and spacing slips and choose more exact phrasing for global pollution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and usually clear, but sentence fragments, punctuation, and agreement errors recur.
Prioritise checking dependent clauses and subject-verb agreement so complex sentences are consistently complete and accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to research other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.