Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many processed foods and drinks are packed with sugar and this leads to many health issues. I agree that, to reduce sugar consumption, sugar-packed products should be sold at a higher price.
Many people over-consume sugary products because they are cheap. For example, in the United States, many fast-food restaurants offer free refills on sodas. As a result, customers tend to have two or even three sodas at a meal. If these restaurants are required to implement a 20% tax on these drinks and stop supplying free refills, many customers probably wouldn’t order one at all, let alone have a second one. A regulation like this could be extremely effective in terms of preventing obesity among low-income people since many of them are high consumers of cheap sugar-sweetened foods and beverages.
In addition, making high-sugar products more expensive can promote healthier eating choices. This is because if the prices of these products increase to a point at which people are unable to afford them regularly, they may turn to foods that are healthier and more affordable. For instance, if a can of strawberry-flavored beverage costs 3 times the price of a box of fresh strawberries, why not choose the cheaper fresh fruits which can also satisfy a craving for sugar. Although fresh fruits also contain sugars, natural sugars are much healthier than added ones.
In conclusion, sugar-sweetened products should be made more costly to reduce sugar intake. For one thing, the over-consumption of these products is partly because of their low cost. For another, increasing their price could encourage people to choose healthier food.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Join independent clauses Original: packed with sugar and this leads Suggested revision: packed with sugar, and this leads Why it matters: A comma is needed before “and” because it joins two independent clauses.
- 2. Use a natural collocation Original: free refills on sodas Suggested revision: free soda refills Why it matters: “Free soda refills” is the more natural phrase for repeated servings of the drink.
- 3. Choose the right preposition Original: at Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “With a meal” more naturally describes drinks consumed alongside food.
- 4. Fix the collocation Original: high Suggested revision: heavy Why it matters: English uses “heavy consumers,” rather than “high consumers,” for people who consume large amounts.
- 5. Remove redundant framing Original: This is because if Suggested revision: If Why it matters: The conditional clause already explains the reason, making “This is because” unnecessary.
- 6. Use a concise collocation Original: increase to a point at which Suggested revision: rise to a level at which Why it matters: “Prices rise to a level” is more concise and idiomatic.
- 7. Spell out the number Original: 3 Suggested revision: three Why it matters: Spelling out a small number is more consistent with formal essay style.
- 8. Use the intended noun Original: fruits Suggested revision: strawberries Why it matters: The comparison is specifically with a box of strawberries, so the plural category “fruits” is imprecise.
- 9. End the question correctly Original: a craving for sugar. Suggested revision: a craving for sugar? Why it matters: The clause beginning with “why not” is a direct question and needs a question mark.
- 10. Use mass nouns Original: fresh fruits also contain sugars Suggested revision: fresh fruit also contains sugar Why it matters: “Fruit” and “sugar” are more natural as mass nouns in this general statement.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: If these restaurants are required to implement a 20% tax on these drinks and stop supplying free refills, many customers probably wouldn’t order one at all, let alone have a second one. Suggested revision: If these restaurants were required to charge a 20% tax on these drinks and stop offering free refills, many customers would probably not order one at all, let alone a second one. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the hypothetical conditional consistent and corrects the collocations for charging tax and offering refills.
Suggested Rewrites
- packed with sugar and this leads packed with sugar, and this leads
- free refills on sodas free soda refills
- at with
- high heavy
- This is because if If
- increase to a point at which rise to a level at which
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear position and develops two persuasive reasons with specific, well-integrated examples, while maintaining strong control of structure and language. Its main limitation is that a few claims and expressions are slightly imprecise, particularly around low-income consumers and the relative healthiness of natural sugar. Refining those claims and using more exact phrasing would make an already strong argument more authoritative.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and consistent, and both main reasons are relevant, extended, and supported with effective examples.
Qualify broad health and socioeconomic claims so that each example supports the argument with maximum precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices connect explanations and examples smoothly.
Vary a few explicit linking phrases to make the progression feel even less signposted.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports fluent discussion of taxation, consumption, affordability, and health, with only minor awkwardness.
Replace slightly unnatural phrases such as high consumers with more idiomatic and exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor punctuation or phrasing slips.
Polish the punctuation of rhetorical questions and long conditional sentences to strengthen already high grammatical control.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.