Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care than ever before. What may be the primary reason for this? Is this is positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Both men and women, these days, are investing significantly in beauty care, a trend driven by various social and economic factors. The rise of social media and evolving beauty standards have primarily contributed to this phenomenon. While some view this development as a positive shift, I would like to argue that it is a negative trend as it promotes unrealistic beauty standards and unnecessary consumerism.
One of the primary reasons for the increasing expenditure on beauty care is the pervasive influence of social media and advertising. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok constantly showcase meticulously curated images of celebrities and influencers, setting high beauty standards. This has created pressure for individuals to invest in skincare, cosmetics, and other fashion items to conform to these ideals. Furthermore, aggressive marketing strategies by beauty brands, often using celebrity endorsements, fuel consumer desire by associating physical appearance with success and social acceptance. For example, the global skincare industry has seen exponential growth due to the popularity of "flawless skin" trends promoted by influencers.
This trend has mostly negative implications. The excessive focus on physical appearance can create unrealistic expectations, leading to body image issues and financial strain. Many individuals spend beyond their means to purchase expensive beauty products or undergo cosmetic procedures, sometimes with detrimental effects on their self-worth. For instance, the rise of cosmetic surgeries and expensive skincare treatments has led many young people to take out loans or rely on credit cards to afford those expensive products and procedures. Moreover, excessive exposure to airbrushed images on social media platforms has been linked to increased cases of body dysmorphia, particularly among teenagers and young adults.
In conclusion, the rise in beauty care expenditure is primarily driven by social media influence and aggressive marketing. While it may boost self-confidence and personal well-being, it fosters unrealistic beauty standards and financial burdens which is damaging for individuals and society as a whole.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use spending collocation Original: investing significantly in beauty care Suggested revision: spending significantly on beauty care Why it matters: Consumers spend money on beauty care; “invest” suggests an expected financial return.
- 2. State claim directly Original: I would like to argue Suggested revision: I argue Why it matters: The shorter form presents the claim more directly.
- 3. Clarify social pressure Original: setting high beauty standards Suggested revision: reinforcing demanding beauty standards Why it matters: “Reinforcing” better expresses how repeated curated images sustain these standards.
- 4. Use accurate category Original: other fashion items Suggested revision: other personal-care items Why it matters: Skincare and cosmetics are personal-care products rather than fashion items.
- 5. Use market collocation Original: desire Suggested revision: demand Why it matters: “Consumer demand” is the conventional economic phrase.
- 6. Avoid unsupported intensity Original: exponential Suggested revision: rapid Why it matters: “Rapid” conveys strong growth without asserting a precise exponential pattern.
- 7. Use precise evaluation Original: mostly negative implications Suggested revision: predominantly negative consequences Why it matters: “Consequences” names the outcomes more directly than “implications.”
- 8. Use natural mass noun Original: rise of cosmetic surgeries Suggested revision: growing use of cosmetic surgery Why it matters: “Cosmetic surgery” is normally uncountable when referring to the practice generally.
- 9. Use immediate reference Original: those expensive products and procedures Suggested revision: these products and procedures Why it matters: “These” refers more directly to the items in the same sentence.
- 10. Use article structure Original: linked to increased cases Suggested revision: linked to an increase in cases Why it matters: The countable noun “increase” requires an article in this structure.
- 11. Fix agreement and punctuation Original: financial burdens which is Suggested revision: financial burdens, which are Why it matters: The plural antecedent requires “are,” and the nonrestrictive clause needs a comma.
- 12. Correct adjective preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The adjective “damaging” takes the preposition “to.”
Suggested Rewrites
- investing significantly in beauty care spending significantly on beauty care
- I would like to argue I argue
- setting high beauty standards reinforcing demanding beauty standards
- other fashion items other personal-care items
- desire demand
- exponential rapid
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response directly answers both questions with a clear negative judgement and develops persuasive links between social media, advertising, unrealistic standards, body image, and financial strain. Its strongest feature is the specific explanation of how curated images and celebrity marketing shape spending. The main priority is to qualify a few broad claims with firmer evidence and eliminate minor repetition and agreement lapses for a fully polished argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the primary causes and the negative judgement are fully addressed through well-developed reasoning and relevant examples.
Qualify claims about industry growth and body dysmorphia with a precise source or a more cautiously framed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into focused cause, consequence, and conclusion paragraphs with smooth progression.
Link the brief positive concession in the conclusion back to the body so the final weighing feels fully prepared.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and natural, with effective topic-specific expressions and only minor repetition.
Vary repeated uses of 'expensive' and 'excessive' while maintaining the existing lexical accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with one minor agreement lapse in the conclusion.
Ensure compound plural subjects take plural verbs, as in 'standards and burdens which are damaging'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care than ever before. What may be the primary reason for this? Is this is positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.