Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is no secret that most processed foods and drinks contain excessive amounts of sugar, and this causes several health problems while also contributing to the growing obesity epidemic in many countries. In light of this, many argue that sugary products should be made more expensive in order to discourage consumption and encourage healthier alternatives. I completely agree with this viewpoint.
One of the main reasons for the excessive consumption of sugary products and drinks is their low cost. Therefore, increasing the price of sugary products would be a proven method of reducing their overall consumption. A recent study conducted by the World Health Organization reveals that a 20% price increase in sugary drinks resulted in as much as a 15% decrease in their consumption in just six months. It is very logical that, when sugary products are expensive, many people will be less likely to indulge in them as frequently, and will instead opt for healthier alternatives. This will be particularly beneficial for low-income individuals, who are disproportionately affected by obesity and related health problems due to their reliance on cheap, unhealthy food.
In addition, increasing the price of sugary products and imposing higher taxes on manufacturers of such products, can also serve as a deterrent for them to include excessive amounts of sugar in their products. This way, sellers will be incentivized to reduce the amount of sugar in their products in order to remain competitive in the market and make a profit.
In conclusion, increasing the cost of sugary products is an effective method of reducing sugar consumption and promoting healthier eating habits. It would not only discourage the excessive consumption of these products but also make healthier options more accessible and affordable for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make the phrase concise Original: in order to discourage consumption Suggested revision: to discourage consumption Why it matters: The shorter infinitive expresses the purpose clearly without unnecessary wording.
- 2. Temper the claim Original: would be a proven method Suggested revision: could be an effective method Why it matters: The revision uses more precise academic wording for a proposed policy effect.
- 3. Keep tense consistent Original: reveals Suggested revision: revealed Why it matters: The reporting verb should match the past-tense result described later in the sentence.
- 4. State the figure directly Original: as much as a 15% decrease Suggested revision: a 15% decrease Why it matters: The precise figure makes as much as unnecessary unless a range or maximum is being contrasted.
- 5. Use natural academic phrasing Original: It is very logical that Suggested revision: It is reasonable to expect that Why it matters: The revision expresses the inference in a more natural academic form.
- 6. Use a precise verb Original: indulge in them as frequently Suggested revision: consume them as frequently Why it matters: Consume is more precise and appropriately formal for food products.
- 7. Remove the unnecessary comma Original: , and will instead opt Suggested revision: and will instead opt Why it matters: The coordinated verbs share the same subject, so no comma is needed before and.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: a deterrent for them to include Suggested revision: a deterrent against including Why it matters: Deterrent against followed by a gerund is the natural construction here.
- 9. Use a formal connector Original: This way Suggested revision: In this way Why it matters: In this way links the proposed tax mechanism to its intended result more smoothly.
- 10. Keep the actor consistent Original: sellers Suggested revision: manufacturers Why it matters: The preceding sentence identifies manufacturers, so changing to sellers creates an unnecessary shift in reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- in order to discourage consumption to discourage consumption
- would be a proven method could be an effective method
- reveals revealed
- as much as a 15% decrease a 15% decrease
- It is very logical that It is reasonable to expect that
- indulge in them as frequently consume them as frequently
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is direct, persuasive, and well organised, with a consistently clear position and strong development of how higher prices could change consumer behaviour. The smaller limitation is that the manufacturer-focused argument and the final affordability claim are less fully supported; the best improvement would be to explain that second mechanism in comparable depth and keep the conclusion strictly aligned with established points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed reasons, though the second reason and the final affordability claim receive less support.
Expand how taxation would change manufacturers' formulations and avoid adding a conclusion claim that the body has not established.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced clearly across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the argument smoothly without distracting from progression.
Strengthen the transition into the manufacturer argument by making its relationship to the pricing proposal more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with only minor imprecision in phrases such as “a deterrent for them to include.”
Refine occasional collocations and maintain exact participant labels when moving between manufacturers and sellers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only isolated punctuation and phrasing slips.
Remove unnecessary commas that separate a long subject from its verb and check the syntax of complex complement patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.