Many pschologists recommend that the best way to relieve stress is to do nothing at all for a period of time during the day. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
One of the most pressing issues for first world countries is how to reduce their stress levels and this has led some psychologists to propose a daily period of rest. Although I think that daily rest would be helpful, it is more important to take an active role in stress relief.
Proponents of a rest period suggest that taking a break has proven health benefits related to stress reduction. It is very common in Latin American countries and some Southeast Asian countries to take an afternoon ‘siesta’ or short nap before resuming work. Research has supported the myriad health benefits related to this stress-free period. It lowers blood pressure, increases serotonin in the brain, and aids memory function. Besides the statistics from studies that breaks reduce stress, there is also anecdotal evidence that taking a break energises people in both the short and long term. Plowing on without breaks, on the contrary, can lead to an increase in stress and has been linked to related health problems.
Instead of taking a rest, I believe that joining a team sport will do more to relieve stress. Doctors and scientists agree that exercise is the best way to cut down on stress overall. In most parts of the world, football is the most common sport both to watch and participate in. Playing football reduces your stress by releasing endorphins in the brain that make people happier, strengthening the heart to better withstand stressful situations, and helping people to relax by working in a team towards a shared goal. The teamwork aspect cannot be underestimated, and is integral to most sports, as it does more to reduce stress and reset your body for a new day than any other activity.
To conclude, although taking a rest certainly helps reduce stress, the best way to unwind is to play a sport. People should set aside time at least once a week to partake in team sporting activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: first world countries Suggested revision: high-income countries Why it matters: 'High-income countries' is a more precise and neutral term in formal writing.
- 2. Use natural noun phrase Original: daily rest would be helpful Suggested revision: a daily rest period would be helpful Why it matters: 'A daily rest period' names the proposed practice more naturally and specifically.
- 3. Make wording concise Original: has proven health benefits related to stress reduction Suggested revision: has proven stress-reduction benefits Why it matters: The revision removes an unnecessarily wordy relationship phrase.
- 4. Use suitable tense Original: Research has supported Suggested revision: Research supports Why it matters: The present simple is more direct for a general claim about the current body of research.
- 5. Avoid inflated wording Original: the myriad health benefits related to this stress-free period Suggested revision: the many health benefits of this rest period Why it matters: The revision expresses the claim clearly without overstating the number of benefits or calling the period entirely stress-free.
- 6. Fix clause structure Original: statistics from studies that breaks reduce stress Suggested revision: statistical evidence from studies showing that breaks reduce stress Why it matters: The original incorrectly makes 'studies' the antecedent of a content clause introduced by 'that'.
- 7. Use accurate connector Original: on the contrary Suggested revision: by contrast Why it matters: 'By contrast' appropriately compares continuing work with taking breaks, whereas 'on the contrary' normally rejects a preceding claim.
- 8. Use formal phrasing Original: cut down on stress overall Suggested revision: reduce overall stress Why it matters: The revision is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 9. Strengthen parallel structure Original: both to watch and participate in Suggested revision: both to watch and to play Why it matters: Repeating 'to' and pairing two direct verbs makes the coordinated structure clearer.
- 10. Keep pronouns consistent Original: your Suggested revision: people's Why it matters: An impersonal academic discussion should avoid shifting suddenly to second-person 'your'.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: partake in team sporting activities Suggested revision: participate in team sports Why it matters: 'Participate in team sports' is the more natural and concise expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The teamwork aspect cannot be underestimated, and is integral to most sports, as it does more to reduce stress and reset your body for a new day than any other activity. Suggested revision: The teamwork aspect, which is integral to most sports, may reduce stress and help the body recover for a new day more effectively than other activities. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the clause relationships and removes the ambiguous pronoun and shift to second person.
Suggested Rewrites
- first world countries high-income countries
- daily rest would be helpful a daily rest period would be helpful
- has proven health benefits related to stress reduction has proven stress-reduction benefits
- Research has supported Research supports
- the myriad health benefits related to this stress-free period the many health benefits of this rest period
- statistics from studies that breaks reduce stress statistical evidence from studies showing that breaks reduce stress
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay answers the question directly, maintains a nuanced position, and develops both the benefits of rest and the stronger case for active stress relief with clear, specific support. Its main limitation is a small amount of imprecise or awkward phrasing in otherwise fluent prose. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify broad research claims and express supporting evidence with greater grammatical and lexical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both rest and team sport are explored through relevant, well-extended reasoning.
Strengthen the response further by qualifying general claims about research and health benefits rather than presenting them as universal facts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is easy to follow, with effective paragraphing, clear progression, and well-managed cohesive links.
Use a slightly smoother transition into the alternative argument so it builds more explicitly on the limits of passive rest.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural overall, with strong control of language related to health, stress, and exercise.
Refine the few awkward combinations, particularly the phrasing used to introduce evidence from studies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede communication.
Polish occasional clause structures, especially when reporting research findings, to maintain consistently natural syntax.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many pschologists recommend that the best way to relieve stress is to do nothing at all for a period of time during the day. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.