Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Many processed foods and drinks are packed with sugar, and this leadspacked with sugar and this leads to many health issues. I agree that, to reduce sugar consumption, sugar-packed products should be sold at a higher price.
Many people over-consume sugary products because they are cheap. For example, in the United States, many fast-food restaurants offer free soda refillsfree refills on sodas. As a result, customers tend to have two or even three sodas withat a meal. If these restaurants are required to implement a 20% tax on these drinks and stop supplying free refills, many customers probably wouldn’t order one at all, let alone have a second one. A regulation like this could be extremely effective in terms of preventing obesity among low-income people since many of them are heavyhigh consumers of cheap sugar-sweetened foods and beverages.
In addition, making high-sugar products more expensive can promote healthier eating choices. IfThis is because if the prices of these products rise to a level at whichincrease to a point at which people are unable to afford them regularly, they may turn to foods that are healthier and more affordable. For instance, if a can of strawberry-flavored beverage costs three3 times the price of a box of fresh strawberries, why not choose the cheaper fresh strawberriesfruits which can also satisfy a craving for sugar?a craving for sugar. Although fresh fruit also contains sugarfresh fruits also contain sugars, natural sugars are much healthier than added ones.
In conclusion, sugar-sweetened products should be made more costly to reduce sugar intake. For one thing, the over-consumption of these products is partly because of their low cost. For another, increasing their price could encourage people to choose healthier food.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear position and develops two persuasive reasons with specific, well-integrated examples, while maintaining strong control of structure and language. Its main limitation is that a few claims and expressions are slightly imprecise, particularly around low-income consumers and the relative healthiness of natural sugar. Refining those claims and using more exact phrasing would make an already strong argument more authoritative.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is direct and consistent, and both main reasons are relevant, extended, and supported with effective examples.
Qualify broad health and socioeconomic claims so that each example supports the argument with maximum precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices connect explanations and examples smoothly.
Vary a few explicit linking phrases to make the progression feel even less signposted.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports fluent discussion of taxation, consumption, affordability, and health, with only minor awkwardness.
Replace slightly unnatural phrases such as high consumers with more idiomatic and exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor punctuation or phrasing slips.
Polish the punctuation of rhetorical questions and long conditional sentences to strengthen already high grammatical control.