Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Sample Response
A large proportion of healthcare professionals find that their advice to elderly people concerning exercise is not heeded. In my opinion, this is due to practical concerns and the best encouragement would be through government initiatives.
The reasons senior citizens have difficulty staying fit are physical and economic. Firstly, older people naturally suffer from a range of minor or major and debilitating conditions such as poor cardiovascular health, arthritis, and dementia. Each presents unique challenges to a regular exercise regular routine. Moreover, older people are often unable to afford the costs associated with learning a new sport or joining a gym. In the United States most older people survive on a fixed income and must set aside money for medical bills. Sports equipment is simply not a priority.
There is little that can be done to deter the natural ageing process but the financial impediments can be effectively tackled by building more public parks and facilities. An older person living in an urban area may lack easy access to a park or the transportation to travel to one far away. However, if there was one within walking distance they would be encouraged to exercise habitually. This habit could also be reinforced by social interactions. Many older people are lonely and seek companions from their generation. By making friends and regularly meeting to walk to exercise in the park, as is common in many East Asian nations, they can create lasting bonds that will also encourage them to stay fit.
In conclusion, many older people are physically or economically unable to exercise regularly and the this can be partly remedied with greater investment in public spaces. The benefits of such a reform would impact other segments of the population as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a reporting verb Original: find Suggested revision: report Why it matters: Report is a more natural verb for describing professionals' observation about patients.
- 2. Use natural abstract phrasing Original: the best encouragement would be through government initiatives Suggested revision: the most effective encouragement would come from government initiatives Why it matters: Encouragement comes from a source, making the revised collocation more natural.
- 3. Repair the uneven list Original: minor or major and debilitating conditions Suggested revision: conditions of varying severity Why it matters: The original coordination mixes alternatives and an added description without a clear relationship.
- 4. Remove the repeated word Original: a regular exercise regular routine Suggested revision: a regular exercise routine Why it matters: Regular is accidentally repeated in the noun phrase.
- 5. Add the introductory comma Original: In the United States most older people Suggested revision: In the United States, most older people Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory location phrase from the main clause.
- 6. Use the intended verb Original: deter Suggested revision: prevent Why it matters: Deter applies to discouraging an agent, whereas prevent fits a natural process.
- 7. Remove the unnecessary article Original: the transportation to travel to one far away Suggested revision: transportation to reach a more distant one Why it matters: Transportation is uncountable here, and reach avoids the awkward travel to construction.
- 8. Use natural age wording Original: companions from their generation Suggested revision: companions of a similar age Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses peer companionship more naturally.
- 9. Clarify the paired activities Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The original wording makes it unclear whether walking is transport or the exercise itself.
- 10. Delete the extra article Original: and the this can be partly remedied Suggested revision: and this can be partly remedied Why it matters: The demonstrative pronoun this cannot be preceded by the definite article here.
- 11. Use direct concise wording Original: elderly people concerning exercise Suggested revision: older people about exercise Why it matters: The replacement makes the phrase advice to older people about exercise more direct and natural.
- 12. Use a natural collocation Original: costs associated with learning a new sport Suggested revision: costs of taking up a new sport Why it matters: Take up a sport is the usual expression for beginning a sporting activity.
Suggested Rewrites
- find report
- the best encouragement would be through government initiatives the most effective encouragement would come from government initiatives
- minor or major and debilitating conditions conditions of varying severity
- a regular exercise regular routine a regular exercise routine
- In the United States most older people In the United States, most older people
- deter prevent
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response directly answers both questions with a clear account of physical and financial barriers and a well-developed proposal involving accessible public spaces and social support. Its main limitation is occasional awkward wording and grammatical slips that slightly reduce polish, while the treatment of physical limitations could be more fully connected to the solution. Prioritise editing for accuracy and tailoring the proposed measures to both identified causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed directly with relevant, developed explanations of barriers and practical encouragement measures.
Add a specific measure for older people with physical limitations so that the solution responds equally well to every identified cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through causes and solutions, with focused paragraphs and generally natural cohesion.
Make the transition from physical barriers to the mainly financial and access-based solution more explicit to tighten the argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise topic vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, despite a few awkward word choices and repetitions.
Edit collocations such as deter the ageing process and walk to exercise so that sophisticated vocabulary remains fully natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and generally well controlled, although several local errors and repetitions prevent greater accuracy.
Proofread for duplicated words, article errors, and conditional agreement, especially in sentences proposing hypothetical facilities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.