Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Sample Response
Old people should involve in regular physical activity to maintain their health. This essay shall delve into the advantages of regular exercise for older people and the problems faced by them.
Exercise is necessary to keep our bodies fit and active. This is necessary for people of all age groups people. However, this is imperative for old age people. Due to the lack of physical activity and increase in age, the human body tends to store fat which increases weight. Weight more than BMI index increases the chance of getting diseases and reduces the immunity of the people. Hence doctor advises old age patients to indulge in regular physical exercise to avoid the above-mentioned issues.
Despite all advantages mentioned above, most old people are not able to exercise regularly. Since old people lose stamina with their age, hence they feel difficulty at starting routine exercise. However, this problem reduces with time, and their body becomes more habitual to this routine.
To cope with this issue, old people shall be encouraged to keep their exercise routine regular. It is scientifically proven that any activity which is regular for at least 21 days becomes a habit. Hence they should be motivated by their family members for keeping it continue for at least 21 days. They shall be accompanied by someone during exercise to keep them engaged. This will increase their interest in exercise and keep them more glued to their exercise routine.
To end this, Old people shall be encouraged and accompanied by their family members for physical exercise to keep them fit and healthy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the verb pattern Original: involve Suggested revision: engage Why it matters: Engage in is the correct verb pattern for participating in an activity.
- 2. Use direct wording Original: shall delve into Suggested revision: will discuss Why it matters: Will discuss is clearer and more appropriate for an academic introduction.
- 3. Remove repeated noun Original: all age groups people Suggested revision: all age groups Why it matters: People has already appeared earlier in the phrase and is redundant here.
- 4. Use natural terminology Original: imperative for old age people Suggested revision: especially important for older people Why it matters: Older people is the standard term, and especially important expresses the intended comparison.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: increase in age Suggested revision: advancing age Why it matters: Advancing age is a natural expression for the ageing process.
- 6. Clarify the result Original: store fat which increases weight Suggested revision: store fat, which leads to weight gain Why it matters: The revision uses the correct result expression and marks the non-defining clause.
- 7. Use accurate phrasing Original: Weight more than BMI index Suggested revision: A BMI above the healthy range Why it matters: BMI is a measure rather than an index that body weight can exceed.
- 8. Use academic collocation Original: chance of getting diseases Suggested revision: risk of developing diseases Why it matters: Risk of developing is the more precise academic collocation.
- 9. Use possessive form Original: immunity of the people Suggested revision: people’s immunity Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the relationship more naturally.
- 10. Fix number and punctuation Original: Hence doctor advises Suggested revision: Hence, doctors advise Why it matters: A general statement needs a plural subject and a comma after the linking adverb.
- 11. Use standard term Original: old age patients Suggested revision: older patients Why it matters: Older patients is the natural term for patients in this age group.
- 12. Add the article Original: Despite all advantages Suggested revision: Despite all the advantages Why it matters: The definite article is needed because the sentence refers to advantages already mentioned.
Suggested Rewrites
- involve engage
- shall delve into will discuss
- all age groups people all age groups
- imperative for old age people especially important for older people
- increase in age advancing age
- store fat which increases weight store fat, which leads to weight gain
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is clearly organised and offers a relevant explanation and practical encouragement through family support and companionship. However, substantial space is spent describing the benefits of exercise, while the reasons older people avoid routines are only narrowly developed. The highest-priority improvement is to answer both questions directly with several distinct causes and well-explained, targeted solutions, using more accurate grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions receive an answer, but the cause is limited mainly to reduced stamina and relevant development is uneven.
Replace the lengthy benefits discussion with multiple developed barriers, then match each barrier to a specific encouragement strategy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although repetition and mechanical linking make the argument feel somewhat formulaic.
Give each paragraph one direct question-focused purpose and use referencing to avoid repeatedly stating old people and exercise routine.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but repetition and frequent awkward collocations restrict flexibility and precision.
Use natural expressions such as take part in exercise, find it difficult to start, and maintain the routine consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Prioritise accurate basic structures and remove faulty patterns such as since combined with hence before attempting longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.