The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons? What solutions can help tackle this problem?
Sample Response
There is no doubt that wildlife habitats are being destroyed and whole species of animals are on the verge of disappearance due to human activities on land and in the sea. This situation is understandable, and measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problems.
There are two main reasons why animals are disappearing. Firstly, in many parts of the world trees are being cut down to make way for farmland on which to grow crops and keep animals. Such agriculture practices involve clearing huge plots of land inhabited by local fauna, resulting in the loss of habitats for the native animals. Secondly, overfishing is also responsible for the destruction of aquatic life as many fishermen prioritize profits to the detriment of the diversity of species. Many fish and other rare marine forms of life arc are trapped, which reduces biodiversity and has a devastating effect on the food chain of wildlife species.
Some solutions can be adopted to improve the situation. One approach is the application of hi-tech machinery and other technological breakthroughs in the cultivation activities. Seeds with higher crop yield can be grown while powerful tractors can be applied to plough the fields in a speedy manner, resulting in higher output and productivity and thus a lower demand for clearing more land for crop planting. Another measure is that the government should impose strict fishing regulations, setting a limit of the catch of fish or restricting access to aquatic areas with great biodiversity. This ensures that other wild sea animals would not be destroyed in the process.
In conclusion, human activities including farming and fishing are rendering many species of animals extinct. However, governments and individuals can join hands to combat the issues.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular reference Original: problems Suggested revision: problem Why it matters: The sentence refers to the single situation just introduced, so problem should be singular.
- 2. Use adjective form Original: agriculture Suggested revision: agricultural Why it matters: Agricultural is the adjective needed to modify practices.
- 3. Use precise farming term Original: keep animals Suggested revision: raise livestock Why it matters: Raise livestock is the more precise collocation for keeping farm animals.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: prioritize profits to the detriment of the diversity of species Suggested revision: prioritize profits at the expense of species diversity Why it matters: The revision preserves the contrast while expressing it more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Remove stray typo Original: arc are Suggested revision: are Why it matters: Arc is an accidental extra word that makes the verb phrase ungrammatical.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: application of hi-tech machinery Suggested revision: use of high-tech machinery Why it matters: Use of is the natural collocation, and high-tech is the standard formal spelling.
- 7. Choose direct wording Original: cultivation Suggested revision: farming Why it matters: Farming activities is clearer and more natural in this context.
- 8. Choose the right verb Original: applied Suggested revision: used Why it matters: Machinery is used rather than applied when it performs physical work.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: in a speedy manner Suggested revision: quickly Why it matters: The adverb quickly conveys the same meaning without unnecessary wording.
- 10. Fix preposition and number Original: a limit of the catch of fish Suggested revision: limits on fish catches Why it matters: Limits on catches is the standard grammatical pattern for fishing restrictions.
- 11. Match conditional meaning Original: This ensures Suggested revision: This would ensure Why it matters: Would matches the proposed nature of the government measure described in the preceding sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- problems problem
- agriculture agricultural
- keep animals raise livestock
- prioritize profits to the detriment of the diversity of species prioritize profits at the expense of species diversity
- arc are are
- application of hi-tech machinery use of high-tech machinery
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response handles both causes and solutions in a balanced, logically sequenced way and supports each point with clear causal explanation. Its main limitation is a small number of imprecise or awkward expressions, together with a solution paragraph that could connect technological measures more explicitly to habitat protection. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen those links and edit collocations so the argument is both fully convincing and consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses reasons and solutions with relevant, well-extended explanations of farming and fishing pressures.
Make the connection between agricultural technology and reduced habitat clearance more explicit and substantiate its practicality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear cause-solution structure, and progression within paragraphs is easy to follow.
Use a more specific concluding synthesis to reinforce how each proposed solution answers its corresponding cause.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-specific, but several collocations and one apparent word-form typo reduce precision.
Edit phrases such as "agriculture practices," "cultivation activities," and "limit of the catch" into more natural forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates a strong range of complex structures, although occasional agreement and form errors remain noticeable.
Proofread noun forms, articles, and passive constructions to remove slips such as "life arc are trapped."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons? What solutions can help tackle this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.