Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Sample Response
One of the reasons why companies choose to promote some employee is seniority. While the length of service is undoubtedly an important factor, my belief is it should certainly not be the only criterion for deciding who should be promoted. Rather it would be best for companies to have a more varied policy in this area. There are without question sound arguments for promoting employees who have been working for a company for a number of years. The first of these is that these more experienced employees would be able to adapt themselves to be in a higher position. As they would understand the culture and policies of the company better, they should be given priority to be in higher positions in a company. Again, on a practical level, if they were not promoted, they might well leave the company to find a higher position and earn a larger salary. This could have serious consequences for the company, which might lose a significant amount of business to its competitors. Despite these factors, there is a strong argument in favour of also promoting staff because of their performance. This can be seen by how some multinational companies use annual performance and development reviews when deciding on promotion. Under this system, a supervisor can set targets for an employee and if those targets are met, then the staff can be promoted, even if they are relatively junior. The benefit of this approach is that it encourages staff to work harder and rewards merit and not just slow service. In conclusion, there is no doubt a case for implementing a policy of promoting long serving members of staff, but I believe that it is also wise to take account of the performance of more junior members of staff.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: employee Suggested revision: employees Why it matters: Some requires a plural count noun when referring to an unspecified group.
- 2. Add complement marker Original: my belief is it should Suggested revision: my belief is that it should Why it matters: That is needed to introduce the clause completing my belief is.
- 3. Punctuate sentence adverb Original: Rather it Suggested revision: Rather, it Why it matters: A comma should follow the sentence-level transition Rather.
- 4. Use concise emphasis Original: There are without question sound arguments Suggested revision: There are undoubtedly sound arguments Why it matters: Undoubtedly conveys the same emphasis more concisely and naturally.
- 5. Correct priority construction Original: given priority to be in higher positions Suggested revision: given priority for higher positions Why it matters: Priority takes for when referring to the positions for which employees are considered.
- 6. Remove misleading linker Original: Again, on a practical level Suggested revision: On a practical level Why it matters: Again suggests repetition even though this sentence introduces a new practical consequence.
- 7. Correct evidence phrase Original: seen by how Suggested revision: seen in the way Why it matters: Seen in the way correctly introduces an example of how the practice operates.
- 8. Keep employee reference singular Original: staff Suggested revision: employee Why it matters: The sentence begins with a singular employee, so the later reference should remain singular.
- 9. Correct contrast and term Original: rewards merit and not just slow service Suggested revision: rewards merit rather than merely long service Why it matters: Long service is the intended employment term, and rather than forms a clear contrast.
- 10. Name policy precisely Original: a more varied policy in this area Suggested revision: a broader promotion policy Why it matters: The revision identifies the type of policy and expresses the intended range of criteria directly.
- 11. Use concise perfect tense Original: have been working for a company for a number of years Suggested revision: have worked for the company for many years Why it matters: The present perfect simple is more concise for completed years of service continuing to the present.
- 12. State present knowledge Original: As they would understand Suggested revision: As they understand Why it matters: The simple present describes the employees' existing knowledge that supports promotion.
Suggested Rewrites
- employee employees
- my belief is it should my belief is that it should
- Rather it Rather, it
- There are without question sound arguments There are undoubtedly sound arguments
- given priority to be in higher positions given priority for higher positions
- Again, on a practical level On a practical level
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response develops a clear, balanced position that seniority deserves consideration while performance should also determine promotion, and it supports both sides with credible workplace consequences and appraisal practices. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay is one paragraph, and some phrasing is repetitive or slightly inaccurate. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the seniority and merit arguments into focused paragraphs and refine the comparison between long service and demonstrated performance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The proposition is addressed directly through well-developed arguments for experience and merit, with a clear position maintained throughout.
Add one concise criterion for combining tenure and performance in an actual promotion policy to make the recommendation more concrete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the position through seniority and performance to the conclusion, but the single-paragraph format weakens visible organisation.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for seniority, one for performance, and a concise concluding recommendation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise for promotion policy and workplace performance, with only occasional awkward or incorrect choices.
Replace phrases such as 'adapt themselves to be in a higher position' and 'slow service' with 'adapt to senior roles' and 'long service'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately overall, despite a few article, agreement, and complement errors.
Correct forms such as 'promote some employees', 'my belief is that', and 'members of staff can be promoted'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.