Some people believe that to reduce the time people spend commuting, parks and gardens close to city centres should be replaced by apartment buildings. Others disagree with this idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
People have a different view concerning replacing green areas (gardens and parks) with the working place. While some believe that community playgrounds near the metropolitan must be altered with the office, others feel it is unnecessary. Also, I think it should not be done because it is the main place for social gatherings and releasing stress.
On the one hand, many reasons people believe the green place near the city should be replaced. First, it saves up-down time and reduces the number of traffic on the road during peak hours because more people use the pavements to reach the office. Ultimately, it helps to save the environment. The second one, people can save the cost and time of commuting, which aid them in enhancing their productive time in the office. Thus, alteration of the public area with working place is useful.
On the other hand, those who believe the above idea is not worthy of providing their view. Firstly, those places are the main source of social gatherings. People may spend their spare time with friends and family, which helps them release the anxiety and stress of the whole day. The second one is when the office building comes close to the living place, it negatively influences the environment. For instance, carbon dioxide emissions will be increased with the fume of the factory. Eventually, that change is not effective for anyone, not for people or the atmosphere.
In my opinion, the green area should not be replaced with building at any cost as it is not good for human health and the environment.
In conclusion, although some people feel parkland should be changed with a place to work, other people have a contrary view. I feel the same that replacement is not worth it due to the usefulness of those places in social bonding and saving the environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: a different view Suggested revision: different views Why it matters: The plural subject people requires views when describing more than one opinion.
- 2. Match the plural referent Original: the main place Suggested revision: one of the main places Why it matters: The pronoun refers to multiple green areas, so the noun phrase should not be singular and exclusive.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: releasing Suggested revision: relieving Why it matters: Relieve stress is the standard collocation for reducing emotional pressure.
- 4. Use standard expression Original: saves up-down time Suggested revision: reduces commuting time Why it matters: Up-down time is not an idiomatic expression for time spent travelling to work.
- 5. Use uncountable quantifier Original: number Suggested revision: amount Why it matters: Traffic is uncountable, so amount is required instead of number.
- 6. Use clear sequencing Original: The second one, Suggested revision: Secondly, Why it matters: Secondly clearly introduces the next reason and forms a complete transition.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: save the cost and time Suggested revision: save money and time Why it matters: People save money rather than save the cost in this context.
- 8. Fix subject agreement Original: aid Suggested revision: helps Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the act of saving, so the singular verb helps is appropriate.
- 9. Express productivity naturally Original: enhancing their productive time Suggested revision: using their time more productively Why it matters: This wording expresses more clearly how saved commuting time affects work.
- 10. Fix replacement structure Original: alteration of the public area with working place Suggested revision: replacing public areas with workplaces Why it matters: The gerund phrase and plural nouns create a grammatical replacement construction.
- 11. Use concise transition Original: The second one is when Suggested revision: Secondly, when Why it matters: Secondly introduces the second point without the incomplete expression the second one is.
- 12. Use precise location term Original: the living place Suggested revision: residential areas Why it matters: Residential areas is the standard term for places where people live.
Suggested Rewrites
- a different view different views
- the main place one of the main places
- releasing relieving
- saves up-down time reduces commuting time
- number amount
- The second one, Secondly,
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear opinion and a recognisable discussion structure, with separate paragraphs for each side. Its central limitation is a major misreading of apartment buildings as offices or workplaces, so much of the commuting argument does not answer the actual proposal; frequent awkward phrasing also weakens precision. The priority is to identify the exact proposed change first, then develop relevant reasons about housing, commuting, and urban green space in clearer sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and both sides are presented, but the repeated substitution of offices for apartment buildings means the task is only partially addressed.
Base every main idea on the actual proposal to replace central green spaces with housing and explain how that could affect commuting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing gives the response an evident overall progression, although linking is mechanical and some reasoning connections are unclear.
Build each body paragraph around one accurate claim and connect its explanation and example directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as 'altered with the office' and 'number of traffic' with accurate, conventional expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, sentence construction, and prepositions remain noticeable.
Prioritise complete clause structures and accurate noun phrases, especially articles and singular-plural agreement, before adding complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that to reduce the time people spend commuting, parks and gardens close to city centres should be replaced by apartment buildings. Others disagree with this idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.