Some people think that it is better for children to have many short holidays during the academic year. Others believe that it would be beneficial to have fewer and longer vacations for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The length and use of school holidays are often debated - some support frequent but short holidays while others advocate for fewer but longer vacations for children. This essay aims to explore both perspectives arguing in favour of longer but fewer vacations as being more favourable for children's overall development and well-being.
On the one hand, frequent breaks throughout the calendar year can help prevent burnout and maintain students' focus in school and study. They believe that shorter breaks provide opportunities for relaxation, family bonding, and engagement in extracurricular activities. For example, during a week-long break, children can participate in sports camps, creative workshops, or educational programmes, which can enhance their skills and knowledge. Additionally, these regular intervals enable students to recharge their energy levels and alleviate the stress associated with continuous academic work.
On the other hand, extended breaks offer more significant benefits for children's development. Longer vacations allow for deeper engagement in activities beyond academic commitments, promoting personal growth and exploration. For instance, during a three-month summer break, children have the opportunity to travel, pursue internships, engage in volunteer work, or explore their passions. These experiences broaden their horizons, foster independence, and develop crucial life skills such as problem-solving, adaptability, and cultural understanding.
In my opinion, longer but fewer vacations are more favourable for children's overall development. While many short holidays provide immediate relief from academic pressures, longer vacations offer a broader range of experiences and opportunities for personal growth. A longer break allows children to delve deeper into activities, invest time in meaningful projects, and develop a sense of independence and responsibility.
In conclusion, I believe that longer but fewer vacations offer more substantial benefits for children's overall development. Extended breaks allow for deeper engagement in activities, exploration of personal interests, and the acquisition of essential life skills.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Join clauses correctly Original: debated - some Suggested revision: debated; some Why it matters: A semicolon correctly links these two closely related independent clauses.
- 2. Remove unnecessary contrast Original: frequent but short holidays Suggested revision: frequent short holidays Why it matters: The two qualities are compatible, so but does not express a meaningful contrast here.
- 3. Use concise modifiers Original: fewer but longer vacations for children Suggested revision: fewer, longer vacations for children Why it matters: Coordinating the two modifiers directly makes the phrase more concise.
- 4. Use natural setting phrase Original: focus in school and study Suggested revision: focus at school and while studying Why it matters: The revised prepositions express the school setting and study activity naturally.
- 5. Clarify the subject Original: They believe Suggested revision: Supporters of this view believe Why it matters: The pronoun lacks a clear plural antecedent within the paragraph.
- 6. Show the result clearly Original: which can enhance Suggested revision: thereby enhancing Why it matters: Thereby links the listed activities directly to their stated effect.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: recharge Suggested revision: restore Why it matters: People recharge, while energy levels are restored.
- 8. Use precise duration word Original: continuous Suggested revision: sustained Why it matters: Sustained more naturally describes academic work continuing over an extended period.
- 9. Use concise comparison Original: more significant benefits Suggested revision: greater benefits Why it matters: Greater benefits expresses the comparison more directly.
- 10. Use concise modal Original: children have the opportunity to Suggested revision: children can Why it matters: Can conveys the available opportunities without unnecessary wording.
- 11. Clarify who develops skills Original: develop crucial life skills Suggested revision: help them develop crucial life skills Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the experiences help the children acquire the skills.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay aims to explore both perspectives arguing in favour of longer but fewer vacations as being more favourable for children's overall development and well-being. Suggested revision: This essay explores both perspectives and argues that fewer, longer vacations are more favourable for children's overall development and well-being. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the misplaced participial phrase and states the two functions of the essay clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- debated - some debated; some
- frequent but short holidays frequent short holidays
- fewer but longer vacations for children fewer, longer vacations for children
- focus in school and study focus at school and while studying
- They believe Supporters of this view believe
- which can enhance thereby enhancing
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by a balanced discussion and relevant examples across both views. Its main limitation is some repetition of the benefits of longer holidays, especially between the opinion and conclusion paragraphs, which slightly reduces precision. Prioritise developing a more distinct comparative insight, such as why longer breaks outweigh the loss of frequent recovery periods, while trimming repeated claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed reasons, and the preference for fewer, longer holidays remains clear throughout.
Deepen the comparison by directly weighing the strongest benefit of frequent breaks against the longer-term value of extended holidays.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively overall.
Reduce overlap between the opinion and conclusion paragraphs so that each stage adds a distinct function to the argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only occasional slightly formulaic or repetitive phrasing.
Vary repeated expressions about overall development and personal growth with more context-specific language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and non-impeding.
Refine occasional awkward constructions, such as references to recharging energy levels, for fully natural expression.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is better for children to have many short holidays during the academic year. Others believe that it would be beneficial to have fewer and longer vacations for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.