Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In the realm of children's free time activities, a contentious debate revolves around whether parents should dictate and organize these activities or if children should have the autonomy to make their own choices. This essay delves into both perspectives and asserts that parents should play a decisive role in shaping their children's leisure pursuits.
On the one hand, proponents of children's autonomy argue that allowing youngsters to choose their free time activities fosters independence and self-discovery. Advocates posit that self-directed activities help children explore their interests, develop decision-making skills, and nurture creativity. For instance, permitting a child to choose between reading a book, engaging in sports, or pursuing a hobby may lead to a more well-rounded and self-aware individual.
Conversely, the viewpoint favouring parental guidance and involvement contends that children, particularly in their formative years, benefit from structured and supervised activities. Parents, with their wealth of experience and understanding of their child's capabilities, can curate activities that align with educational and developmental goals. For example, organizing playdates, enrolling children in extracurricular classes, or planning family outings ensures a balanced mix of entertainment, learning, and socialization.
In my opinion, it is important to recognize that parents are well-positioned to make informed decisions that consider the holistic development of their children. Parental involvement ensures that children engage in a variety of activities that contribute to their physical, mental, and social well-being. Moreover, parents can create an environment that instils values, discipline, and a sense of responsibility, which may be lacking in unguided free time pursuits.
In conclusion, while the argument for children's autonomy in free time activities is valid, the essay supports the notion that parents should take an active role in organizing and deciding these activities. Parental guidance provides a structured framework that nurtures holistic development and prepares children for a balanced and fulfilling future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Keep whether structure parallel Original: if Suggested revision: whether Why it matters: Whether should be repeated to make the two alternatives grammatically parallel.
- 2. Use a concise academic verb Original: delves into Suggested revision: examines Why it matters: Examines states the essay's function more directly and concisely.
- 3. Use among for three choices Original: between reading a book, engaging in sports, or pursuing a hobby Suggested revision: among reading a book, engaging in sports, and pursuing a hobby Why it matters: Among is appropriate for three alternatives, and and completes the list.
- 4. Match the general plural Original: child's Suggested revision: children's Why it matters: Children's agrees with the general plural reference to parents and children.
- 5. Use natural activity wording Original: curate Suggested revision: select Why it matters: Select is the more natural verb for parents choosing children's activities.
- 6. Remove the wordy frame Original: it is important to recognize that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The main claim remains clear and more direct without this introductory frame.
- 7. Clarify the relative reference Original: which may be lacking in unguided free time pursuits Suggested revision: qualities that unguided free-time pursuits may not provide Why it matters: The replacement clearly links the relative clause to the listed values, discipline, and responsibility.
- 8. Use parallel verb complements Original: organizing and deciding these activities Suggested revision: deciding on and organizing these activities Why it matters: Decide takes on before its object, while organize takes the object directly.
- 9. Use a concise debate phrase Original: a contentious debate revolves around Suggested revision: debate centres on Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same framing without redundant wording.
- 10. Match the task wording Original: dictate and organize these activities Suggested revision: decide on and organize these activities Why it matters: Decide on accurately reflects parental choice without the unnecessarily forceful implication of dictate.
- 11. Clarify the guidance claim Original: shaping their children's leisure pursuits Suggested revision: guiding their children's leisure choices Why it matters: The replacement states the intended parental role more directly.
- 12. Use consistent participant wording Original: youngsters Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Children matches the terminology used throughout the task and response.
Suggested Rewrites
- if whether
- delves into examines
- between reading a book, engaging in sports, or pursuing a hobby among reading a book, engaging in sports, and pursuing a hobby
- child's children's
- curate select
- it is important to recognize that Delete
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully discusses both perspectives, states a consistent preference for parental guidance and supports each side with relevant developmental examples. Its main limitation is a somewhat formulaic, abstract style and repeated claims about holistic development, rather than a weakness in coverage or organisation. Make the opinion more nuanced by defining when parental direction should give way to children's choice, and replace self-referential phrases such as "the essay supports" with a direct conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully developed with relevant examples, and the preference for active parental guidance remains clear throughout.
Refine the position by explaining how parental structure can coexist with age-appropriate choice rather than presenting the roles as largely exclusive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphled and progresses smoothly from the two views to the writer's evaluation and conclusion.
Reduce slight repetition between the parental-guidance paragraph, opinion paragraph and conclusion by giving each a more distinct function.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise and consistently appropriate, although some expressions are formal or formulaic for the ideas being conveyed.
Use more direct wording in places, replacing phrases such as "In the realm of" and "This essay delves into" with a concise introduction.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is controlled accurately, with only rare minor awkwardness and no loss of clarity.
As a refinement, state the conclusion directly as "I therefore believe" rather than using the impersonal phrase "the essay supports."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.