The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In many countries, governments and individuals spend a significant amount of money on national celebrations such as New Year or other festivals. While some people believe this expenditure is excessive, I partially agree because such celebrations have both advantages and drawbacks.
On the one hand, spending money on festivals and national events can have positive effects. These celebrations bring people together and promote cultural identity. For example, national holidays often include parades, performances, and community events, which help citizens feel proud of their country and traditions. Moreover, spending on festivals can boost the local economy. Businesses such as restaurants, shops, and hotels often see increased income during these periods, which benefits both owners and employees.
On the other hand, excessive spending can be a waste of valuable resources. Governments have limited budgets and should prioritize essential areas such as education, healthcare, and infrastructure. Spending millions on celebrations may divert funds from these critical sectors. Similarly, individuals who spend large amounts on personal celebrations may face financial difficulties or increase personal debt. For instance, buying expensive gifts or organizing lavish parties can put unnecessary pressure on families.
In conclusion, while national celebrations have cultural and economic benefits, I believe that both governments and individuals should be careful not to spend excessively. A balanced approach can ensure that people enjoy celebrations without compromising more important social and financial priorities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the celebration clearly Original: New Year or other festivals Suggested revision: New Year celebrations or other festivals Why it matters: Adding celebrations makes the comparison between parallel event types more precise.
- 2. Use a more precise noun Original: positive effects Suggested revision: social and economic benefits Why it matters: The revision previews the two specific advantages developed in the paragraph.
- 3. Strengthen the collocation Original: promote Suggested revision: strengthen Why it matters: Strengthen is a more natural verb for reinforcing an existing cultural identity.
- 4. Use concise formal wording Original: feel proud of their country and traditions Suggested revision: take pride in their country and traditions Why it matters: Take pride in expresses the idea more concisely in formal writing.
- 5. Use a precise business term Original: see increased income Suggested revision: earn more revenue Why it matters: Revenue is a more precise term for money received by businesses.
- 6. Clarify the result link Original: which benefits both owners and employees Suggested revision: benefiting both owners and employees Why it matters: The participle clearly presents the benefit as the result of increased business income.
- 7. Specify resource use Original: a waste of valuable resources Suggested revision: an inefficient use of valuable resources Why it matters: The revision states the criticism in more measured and precise terms.
- 8. Use the correct collocation Original: increase Suggested revision: incur Why it matters: People incur debt rather than increase it when new spending creates financial obligations.
- 9. Specify the pressure Original: put unnecessary pressure on families Suggested revision: place unnecessary financial pressure on families Why it matters: Financial identifies the kind of pressure caused by lavish spending.
- 10. Make the recommendation concise Original: careful not to spend excessively Suggested revision: avoid excessive spending Why it matters: The revision states the same recommendation more directly and concisely.
- 11. Avoid a redundant phrase Original: more important social and financial priorities Suggested revision: higher-priority social and financial needs Why it matters: A priority is already important, so higher-priority needs is more precise.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: While some people believe this expenditure is excessive, I partially agree because such celebrations have both advantages and drawbacks. Suggested revision: I partially agree that this expenditure is excessive because celebrations offer benefits but can also divert money from other priorities. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the reason for partial agreement explicit while retaining the essay's stated contrast.
Suggested Rewrites
- New Year or other festivals New Year celebrations or other festivals
- positive effects social and economic benefits
- promote strengthen
- feel proud of their country and traditions take pride in their country and traditions
- see increased income earn more revenue
- which benefits both owners and employees benefiting both owners and employees
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, balanced position and develops relevant cultural, economic, public-budget, and personal-finance considerations in a logical structure. Its main limitation is that it falls below the expected length, leaving otherwise sound ideas somewhat concise and general. The highest-priority improvement is to extend the analysis with deeper explanation of why the benefits do not justify excessive spending while preserving the current clarity and control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a clear qualified position and relevant discussion of benefits and drawbacks, but under-length development limits depth.
Exceed the minimum length by extending the reasoning behind the final judgement and developing one example in greater detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically organised into focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly throughout.
Use slightly less formulaic contrast markers and strengthen the conceptual link between each example and the paragraph's main claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, appropriate, and generally precise across cultural, economic, and public-policy ideas.
Refine a few conventional phrases, such as describing debt as being incurred rather than increased, to improve precision further.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with strong control and very few noticeable errors.
Maintain this accuracy while varying clause openings and sentence rhythms to make the argument even more flexible and polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.