The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The government expenditure on cultural occasions has seen a gradual albeit substantial rise over the last few years. This has resulted in a deficiency of funds for investment in vital segments of the economy. I agree with the fact that government resources should be utilized more judiciously and spending on celebrations should be curbed. In the following paragraphs, I will explain my views on the topic of the essay.
Firstly, the requirement for development in various sectors of the nation is increasing with each passing day. Education, healthcare and public infrastructure are domains that are in dire need of government funding to improve their appalling circumstances. Secondly, if the annual budget of the government is stretched thin by celebratory expenses, grave complications are bound to arise. Thus, the authorities should devise the budget more cautiously so that the supply of capital is equitable.
Moreover, traditional festivals often involve the use of materials that have harmful effects on the environment. Therefore, when such events are held on a massive scale, the use of hazardous items also escalates leading to detrimental outcomes on nature. On that account, if the administration reduces the degree of these ventures, the negative consequences can be restrained significantly.
However, the joy and harmony that cultural events and festivals bring along have to be acknowledged. These festivities are a magnificent avenue of bringing all members of the community together in celebration. Nevertheless, sustainable ways of hosting such occurrences need to be found to avoid monetary overspending.
In conclusion, I would like to say that the importance of national-level functions and the resources to host them have grown lately. The administration has to devise smart and efficient ways to discover an economic solution to such financial limitations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the noun phrase Original: The government expenditure Suggested revision: Government expenditure Why it matters: Government expenditure is used without the definite article when referring to the category generally.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: deficiency Suggested revision: shortage Why it matters: Shortage of funds is the standard expression for insufficient available money.
- 3. Choose a precise noun Original: segments Suggested revision: sectors Why it matters: Sectors is the conventional term for major areas of an economy.
- 4. Use a direct clause Original: agree with the fact that Suggested revision: agree that Why it matters: Agree that introduces the writer's position directly and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 5. Avoid generic wording Original: topic of the essay Suggested revision: issue Why it matters: Issue refers more directly to the question being discussed.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: requirement Suggested revision: need Why it matters: Need for development is the natural collocation in this context.
- 7. Match the noun precisely Original: their appalling circumstances Suggested revision: their poor condition Why it matters: Condition can describe the state of these sectors, whereas circumstances is not a natural fit.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: devise Suggested revision: prepare Why it matters: Prepare a budget is the standard collocation for creating a financial plan.
- 9. Clarify fund distribution Original: the supply of capital Suggested revision: the allocation of funds Why it matters: Allocation of funds accurately describes how budget money is distributed.
- 10. Add the joining comma Original: escalates leading Suggested revision: escalates, leading Why it matters: A comma is needed before the participial result phrase beginning with leading.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: outcomes on nature Suggested revision: effects on the environment Why it matters: Effects on the environment is the conventional expression for environmental consequences.
- 12. Clarify event scale Original: reduces the degree of these ventures Suggested revision: reduces the scale of these events Why it matters: Scale of these events precisely describes how extensively the celebrations are held.
Suggested Rewrites
- The government expenditure Government expenditure
- deficiency shortage
- segments sectors
- agree with the fact that agree that
- topic of the essay issue
- requirement need
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response has a clear stance, orderly paragraphing, and a useful range of ideas about public priorities, environmental harm, and communal benefits. Its main limitation is incomplete task coverage: the prompt refers to both governments and individuals, but the discussion concentrates almost entirely on government expenditure, while several claims remain general. The highest-priority improvement is to address individual spending explicitly and develop each reason with a concrete, directly relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is presented and supported with several relevant ideas, but individual spending is largely omitted and development is sometimes general.
Add a developed argument about personal expenditure on celebrations and support both sides with specific examples or consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical paragraph structure and uses cohesive markers effectively, although progression is occasionally formulaic.
Use more meaning-based transitions between claims and make the conclusion directly synthesise the preceding arguments.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of topic vocabulary, but several ambitious collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Choose more natural combinations, such as allocating a budget, environmental harm, and cost-effective solutions, instead of inflated phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, despite occasional article, agreement, and clause-linking weaknesses.
Review article use and agreement in longer sentences, and punctuate participial clauses such as those beginning with 'leading' more carefully.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like the new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.