Students can become very tired both emotionally and physically when they are preparing for an examination. How can they look after their health while they are studying? What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
First and foremost, the knock on effects of the education on the life of individuals can be profound and undeniable. Nowadays, there are lots of high school or ordinary school students. One group of individuals put forward that students can become emotionally and physically tired while preparing examination while others do not agree. We must acknowledge that nowadays education has become very difficult. Almost all students suffer from mentally and physically tiring while preparing for exams. For example, statistics proved that average students should prepare 5 hours daily in order to pass the forthcoming exams. Naturally, it tires students mentally. In addition, they should spend their whole time in the various libraries, to find necessary information. As a result, it obvious that students may become tired which would influence their exam performance negatively. Nevertheless, for the time being, it is undeniable fact that, students should make efforts in order to achieve their desire. Almost all students work hard and do their best to take a diploma from the universities. For example, they make a lot of effort to have a degree because nowadays it is almost impossible to have a good job position without a university degree or diploma. Moreover, although visiting libraries every day makes them feel exhausted, they gain plenty of information and enhance their knowledge and experience. As a consequence, it is clear that hardworking students always think their future life and it inspires them to do their best for their education. In conclusion, from the examples above we can say that, it is true that preparing for exams is not as easy as we think. However, without working hard, students will not achieve their future aims.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: of the education Suggested revision: of education Why it matters: 'Education' is used generally here and does not take the definite article.
- 2. Use concise plural form Original: on the life of individuals Suggested revision: on individuals' lives Why it matters: The possessive plural is clearer and more natural for a general reference.
- 3. Clarify student group Original: high school or ordinary school students Suggested revision: secondary-school students Why it matters: 'Ordinary school' is unclear, while 'secondary-school students' identifies the intended group precisely.
- 4. Use natural time phrase Original: nowadays education Suggested revision: education today Why it matters: This word order is more natural in formal English.
- 5. Use noun forms Original: suffer from mentally and physically tiring Suggested revision: suffer from mental and physical fatigue Why it matters: The preposition 'from' requires a noun phrase rather than adverbs and a participle.
- 6. Use present tense Original: proved Suggested revision: show Why it matters: The present tense is appropriate when presenting a general claim based on current evidence.
- 7. Use adverbial phrase Original: average students Suggested revision: students on average Why it matters: 'On average' correctly describes the typical amount of study time.
- 8. Correct time expression Original: prepare 5 hours daily Suggested revision: study for five hours a day Why it matters: A duration needs 'for', and 'study' expresses the intended activity more precisely.
- 9. Use precise effect phrase Original: it tires students mentally Suggested revision: this causes mental fatigue Why it matters: The revision states the effect more naturally and gives 'this' a clear link to the previous example.
- 10. Use natural quantifier Original: spend their whole time Suggested revision: spend all their time Why it matters: 'Spend all their time' is the standard expression.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the various libraries Suggested revision: in various libraries Why it matters: The libraries are not a previously identified set, so 'the' is unnecessary.
- 12. Add linking verb Original: it obvious Suggested revision: it is obvious Why it matters: The adjective 'obvious' requires the linking verb 'is'.
Suggested Rewrites
- of the education of education
- on the life of individuals on individuals' lives
- high school or ordinary school students secondary-school students
- nowadays education education today
- suffer from mentally and physically tiring suffer from mental and physical fatigue
- proved show
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay recognises that examination preparation can cause mental and physical exhaustion and communicates a general belief in working hard toward future goals. Its central limitation is task coverage: it offers no practical ways for students to protect their health, despite this being the explicit question. Prioritise concrete advice on sleep, exercise, breaks, nutrition, and realistic study schedules, supported by clear explanations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses fatigue and the value of effort, but it does not answer how students can look after their health while studying.
Build the essay around two or three practical health strategies and explain how each one improves physical or emotional wellbeing during exam preparation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move from the causes of tiredness to the perceived need for hard work, but the one-paragraph structure and repetitive linking produce weak progression.
Use an introduction, separate paragraphs for physical and emotional health strategies, and a conclusion that directly states the writer's view.
Lexical Resource
There is some range related to education, effort, and exhaustion, but repetition and frequent inaccurate collocations limit precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'prepare for exams', 'become mentally and physically tired', 'take regular breaks', and 'achieve their goals'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is sometimes clear, but frequent errors in articles, verb forms, sentence completion, and punctuation reduce grammatical control.
Write shorter complete sentences and check forms such as 'students become tired', 'it is obvious', and 'think about their future'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Students can become very tired both emotionally and physically when they are preparing for an examination. How can they look after their health while they are studying? What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.