Many countries spend a huge sum of money on supporting art. While some people think that investment in art is necessary, others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The allocation of financial resources is a matter of priority for governments worldwide. While some argue that investing in art is crucial, others contend that funds should be directed towards improving health and education. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and provide the opinion that the health and education sectors should get priority.
Supporters of art funding argue that it plays a vital role in preserving cultural heritage and promoting creativity. Artistic endeavours, such as painting, sculpture, and music, are an integral part of a nation's identity and history. Financial support for artists and art institutions allows for the preservation of traditional art forms and the development of contemporary expressions. Additionally, art stimulates critical thinking, fosters cultural exchange, and enhances social cohesion within communities. By investing in art, societies can cultivate creativity, inspire innovation, and foster a deeper appreciation for cultural diversity.
Advocates for allocating funds to health and education assert that these sectors are fundamental to societal well-being and progress. Health is a basic human right, and investment in healthcare infrastructure, medical research, and public health initiatives is crucial for promoting a healthy population. Furthermore, education is a key determinant of social and economic development. Adequate funding for schools, teachers, and educational resources ensures that future generations receive a quality education, enabling them to acquire essential skills and knowledge for personal and societal advancement.
In my opinion, prioritizing funds for health and education is crucial. Without a healthy population and a well-educated society, the overall progress and development of a nation can be hindered. Health and education are essential building blocks for individual empowerment, social mobility, and economic growth. Once these sectors get enough priority, then a portion of the budget should go to art.
In conclusion, it is essential to prioritize investment in health and education while ensuring that art is also supported and celebrated. And then the budget could be allocated for arts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct verb Original: allows for the preservation Suggested revision: supports the preservation Why it matters: Supports states the funding relationship more directly.
- 2. Clarify art reference Original: expressions Suggested revision: art Why it matters: Contemporary art names the form being developed more precisely.
- 3. Avoid repeated verb Original: foster a deeper appreciation Suggested revision: deepen appreciation Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating foster from the same sentence.
- 4. Use direct preposition Original: fundamental to societal well-being and progress Suggested revision: essential for societal well-being and progress Why it matters: Essential for is a more natural and direct construction.
- 5. Use natural health phrase Original: crucial for promoting a healthy population Suggested revision: essential to maintaining a healthy population Why it matters: Maintaining a healthy population is the more natural collocation.
- 6. Use precise modifier Original: receive a quality education Suggested revision: receive a high-quality education Why it matters: High-quality clearly describes the standard of education.
- 7. Remove duplicated meaning Original: overall progress and development Suggested revision: overall progress Why it matters: Progress and development overlap in this context.
- 8. Use concise metaphor Original: essential building blocks Suggested revision: foundations Why it matters: Foundations conveys the same idea more concisely.
- 9. Use natural condition Original: Once these sectors get enough priority Suggested revision: Once these sectors are adequately funded Why it matters: A sector receives funding rather than getting priority in this conditional context.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and provide the opinion that the health and education sectors should get priority. Suggested revision: I will discuss both perspectives and argue that health and education should be prioritized. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces awkward metadiscourse and states the position directly.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: And then the budget could be allocated for arts. Suggested revision: A portion of the budget could then be allocated to the arts. Why it matters: The rewrite avoids beginning with an unnecessary coordinator and corrects the preposition and noun form.
Suggested Rewrites
- allows for the preservation supports the preservation
- expressions art
- foster a deeper appreciation deepen appreciation
- fundamental to societal well-being and progress essential for societal well-being and progress
- crucial for promoting a healthy population essential to maintaining a healthy population
- receive a quality education receive a high-quality education
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay discusses both funding priorities clearly and maintains a balanced position that health and education should come first while art still receives support. Its strongest feature is the well-developed explanation of each sector’s social value; the main limitation is repetition in the opinion and conclusion, where the budget principle remains general. The priority is to state a concrete allocation rule or threshold that explains when art funding becomes appropriate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are developed and the qualified priority for health and education is clear, although the proposed balance between essential services and art remains somewhat general.
Define the position more precisely, for example by arguing that core healthcare and education needs should be met before a protected portion funds cultural programmes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through both views and the writer's judgement, but the opinion paragraph and conclusion repeat the same allocation point.
Combine the comparative judgement with the conclusion or use the opinion paragraph to weigh the relative consequences more directly.
Lexical Resource
A wide, precise range conveys cultural, medical, educational, and economic value, with only occasional awkward expressions such as 'get enough priority.'
Use natural policy language such as 'receive adequate funding,' 'meet essential needs,' and 'allocate a proportion of the remaining budget.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and mostly accurate, while occasional awkward coordination and conditional phrasing appear near the end.
Replace the final two sentences with one controlled structure, such as 'Once essential services are adequately funded, governments should allocate a proportion to the arts.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many countries spend a huge sum of money on supporting art. While some people think that investment in art is necessary, others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.