The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people think that the best way to improve road safety is by giving stricter punishment to careless drivers. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement, but there are other methods that could also be used to improve it as imposing a stricter penalty, in my opinion, is not the only way to ensure safety on roads. On the one hand, it is true that having a stricter punishment and increasing the penalties for irresponsible drivers would reduce traffic accidents and improve road safety. For example, it is a fact that using a mobile phone while driving a car is a dangerous act. However, due to the light punishment, many people still use the phone while driving. Should the authority change the punishment into a heavier one, then people will consider twice before they use the phone while driving. Besides, violation of any traffic rule can lead to a severe accident and if the punishment is made a stern, people would likely obey them. On the other hand, there is another method that the government could use in improving road safety besides having a stricter punishment. The government could make a campaign about safety driving through various media which would show the effect of careless driving. For instance, the government could make a safety video about road safety and upload it in social media since the message will be effectively spread in this kind of media. As more people are watching these videos, it is hoped that drivers will have a clearer view of safety driving. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I agree that having a stricter punishment would improve road safety. But I also believe that it should also be supported with other ways, and one of them is by giving audio-visual shows about safety driving.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use countable plural Original: punishment Suggested revision: punishments Why it matters: Punishment is countable here and needs a determiner or a plural form.
- 2. Remove repetition Original: having a stricter punishment and increasing the penalties Suggested revision: imposing stricter penalties Why it matters: This concise collocation avoids repeating the same idea in two forms.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: due to the light punishment Suggested revision: because of the lenient penalty Why it matters: A penalty is described as lenient rather than light in this context.
- 4. Fix article reference Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: No particular previously identified phone is being referenced.
- 5. Use plural authority Original: Should the authority Suggested revision: If the authorities Why it matters: The plural authorities is the natural reference to the responsible public bodies.
- 6. Use precise verb Original: change the punishment into a heavier one Suggested revision: impose a harsher penalty Why it matters: Penalties are imposed and described as harsher rather than changed into heavier ones.
- 7. Use fixed phrase Original: consider Suggested revision: think Why it matters: Think twice is the standard expression for reconsidering an action.
- 8. Add article Original: violation of any traffic rule Suggested revision: a violation of any traffic rule Why it matters: The singular countable noun violation requires an article.
- 9. Remove wrong article Original: made a stern Suggested revision: made stern Why it matters: The adjective stern cannot take the article a in this construction.
- 10. Fix verb pattern Original: use in improving road safety Suggested revision: use to improve road safety Why it matters: Use takes an infinitive when it expresses the purpose of a method.
- 11. Use campaign collocation Original: make Suggested revision: run Why it matters: English normally uses run or launch with campaign.
- 12. Clarify purpose Original: various media which would show Suggested revision: various media to show Why it matters: The infinitive expresses the campaign's purpose more directly than the relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- punishment punishments
- having a stricter punishment and increasing the penalties imposing stricter penalties
- due to the light punishment because of the lenient penalty
- the a
- Should the authority If the authorities
- change the punishment into a heavier one impose a harsher penalty
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear qualified position and supports it with relevant discussion of penalties and public-awareness campaigns. Its main weakness is that the second solution is developed rather narrowly, while repetitive wording and recurring grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision and fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each alternative with a clearer causal explanation and use more natural road-safety vocabulary in accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear qualified position is maintained, and both stricter penalties and an alternative measure are relevantly explained and exemplified.
Develop the public-awareness solution further by explaining more precisely how it would change driver behaviour and reduce accidents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through two sides and a conclusion, but the single-block presentation and repeated linking patterns weaken paragraph-level organisation.
Divide the response into clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one main idea.
Lexical Resource
The response has adequate topic vocabulary, but recurring unnatural collocations such as expressions about safe driving and heavier punishment reduce precision.
Use established road-safety collocations and check word form and phrasing when describing penalties, campaigns, and driver behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although article, agreement, and sentence-structure errors recur.
Improve control of articles, singular-plural agreement, and complex clauses before attempting more elaborate sentence patterns.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.