The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In my opinion, one of the major causes of road accidents is the violation of traffic rules. The best way to keep the drivers to remain law obedient is to give them punishment for offensive driving and for breaking the traffic rules. According to me, the punishment must be very proportional to the mistake made. Life is very precious and many people die annually in traffic accidents and much more get severely injured. To avoid traffic accidents, the law must be very strict and vibrant. There are many scenarios of unlawfully driving. Young drivers seek pleasure with very high-speed driving. Some bike riders get enjoyment while driving on one wheel. Some drivers think that wearing the seat belt is putting a burden on their body. Few people even drive while they are drunk and they lose the good control on wheel and pedals. The only way to stop this lawlessness is to award the punishment. Punishment may be in the form of money, imprisonment, confiscation of licence, making the insurance high. There are wide varieties of offenders; some do it for the sake of thrills and others due to human error and negligence. I believe that when there is an element of human error, a warning is enough. If we impose a heavy fine for minor human errors then people will drive with anxiety and ultimately will lose confidence on wheels. My personal opinion is to educate the people before issuance of the licence. In temporary licensure period, drivers will learn about rules and regulation of roads, the negative effect of alcohol in driving, maintenance of the vehicle, own health, road safety etc. When someone will know about every bit of law and keeping in mind the consequences of violation then there will be least chances of offending the law and jeopardising of life. Life is very precious and state should frame every rule possible for the provision of ultimate security to road users. Firstly drivers should be educated then given a warning for minor human errors and lastly strict punishment for violation of rules.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix causative structure Original: keep the drivers to remain Suggested revision: ensure that drivers remain Why it matters: “Ensure that” introduces the intended result without the ungrammatical double verb pattern.
- 2. Use direct punishment verb Original: give them punishment Suggested revision: punish them Why it matters: The verb “punish” expresses the action directly without an unnatural noun construction.
- 3. Name dangerous conduct Original: offensive Suggested revision: dangerous Why it matters: “Dangerous driving” identifies unsafe road behaviour, while “offensive” is ambiguous here.
- 4. Use natural opinion marker Original: According to me Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: “In my view” is the standard phrase for introducing a personal judgment.
- 5. Remove unsuitable intensifier Original: very proportional Suggested revision: proportional Why it matters: “Proportional” already expresses the required relationship and does not take “very” naturally.
- 6. Fix count and passive Original: much more get severely injured Suggested revision: many more are severely injured Why it matters: People are countable, and the passive construction requires “are.”
- 7. Describe effective enforcement Original: strict and vibrant Suggested revision: strict and effectively enforced Why it matters: Laws can be enforced, whereas “vibrant” does not describe their operation.
- 8. Fix unlawful-driving phrase Original: scenarios of unlawfully driving Suggested revision: forms of unlawful driving Why it matters: The adjective “unlawful” correctly modifies the gerund noun “driving.”
- 9. Use natural thrill phrase Original: seek pleasure with Suggested revision: seek thrills through Why it matters: The revised collocation expresses deriving excitement from an activity naturally.
- 10. Use adverbial speed phrase Original: very high-speed driving Suggested revision: driving at very high speeds Why it matters: The prepositional phrase correctly describes how fast they drive.
- 11. Use precise rider term Original: Some bike riders Suggested revision: Some motorcyclists Why it matters: “Motorcyclists” identifies powered two-wheel riders more precisely in this road-safety context.
- 12. Use natural enjoyment structure Original: get enjoyment while driving on one wheel Suggested revision: enjoy riding on one wheel Why it matters: The verb “enjoy” takes a gerund directly and avoids the awkward noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- keep the drivers to remain ensure that drivers remain
- give them punishment punish them
- offensive dangerous
- According to me In my view
- very proportional proportional
- much more get severely injured many more are severely injured
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response offers a relevant range of road-safety measures and reaches a sensible graduated position, moving from education and warnings to proportionate penalties. Its main limitation is that the position on the claim that punishment is the only solution emerges unevenly, while the single-block organisation and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce control. State the degree of agreement clearly at the outset, then develop two focused, well-paragraphed arguments.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the claim through relevant discussion of penalties, warnings, and education, but its precise degree of agreement is initially inconsistent and several ideas remain general.
State the qualified position explicitly in the introduction and support each main measure with a developed explanation or example linked to safer roads.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move broadly from offences to sanctions and preventive education, but the entire response forms one block and some linking is mechanical.
Separate the introduction, two distinct body arguments, and conclusion into paragraphs with clear topic sentences and controlled transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of road-safety vocabulary, although recurrent unnatural collocations and imprecise choices weaken clarity and control.
Replace combinations such as law obedient and award the punishment with natural forms such as law-abiding and impose a penalty.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but frequent article, agreement, preposition, and clause-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread each sentence for articles, subject-verb agreement, and complete clause structure, especially when expressing conditions and future results.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.