Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have differing views with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer. In my view, both punishments and a range of other measures can be used together to promote better driving habits.
On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to encourage people to drive more safely. Penalties for dangerous drivers can act as a deterrent, meaning that people avoid repeating the same offence. There are various types of driving penalty, such as small fines, licence suspension, driver awareness courses, and even prison sentences. The aim of these punishments is to show dangerous drivers that their actions have negative consequences. As a result, we would hope that drivers become more disciplined and alert, and that they follow the rules more carefully.
On the other hand, I believe that safe driving can be promoted in several different ways that do not punish drivers. Firstly, it is vitally important to educate people properly before they start to drive, and this could be done in schools or even as part of an extended or more difficult driving test. Secondly, more attention could be paid to safe road design. For example, signs can be used to warn people, speed bumps and road bends can be added to calm traffic, and speed cameras can help to deter people from driving too quickly. Finally, governments or local councils could reduce road accidents by investing in better public transport, which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car.
In conclusion, while punishments can help to prevent bad driving, I believe that other road safety measures should also be introduced.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make opening concise Original: with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer Suggested revision: about how to make our roads safer Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: penalty Suggested revision: penalties Why it matters: The countable noun should be plural after types of.
- 3. Sharpen the consequence Original: meaning that people avoid repeating the same offence Suggested revision: discouraging people from repeating the same offence Why it matters: The revision links deterrence to its effect more precisely and concisely.
- 4. State effect directly Original: we would hope that drivers become Suggested revision: these measures can help drivers become Why it matters: This wording states the proposed effect without the vague phrase we would hope.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: several different ways Suggested revision: several ways Why it matters: Several already indicates difference and variety.
- 6. Use precise adjectives Original: an extended or more difficult driving test Suggested revision: a longer or more demanding driving test Why it matters: Longer and more demanding describe the proposed test changes more precisely.
- 7. Specify road users Original: signs can be used to warn people Suggested revision: warning signs can alert drivers Why it matters: The revision names both the type of sign and the relevant road users.
- 8. Tighten result clause Original: which would mean that fewer people would need to travel by car Suggested revision: thereby reducing the number of people who need to travel by car Why it matters: The participial clause expresses the result more concisely while preserving the claim.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: prevent bad driving Suggested revision: deter unsafe driving Why it matters: Deter is the more precise verb for discouraging unsafe behaviour through punishment.
- 10. Use direct verb Original: help to encourage people Suggested revision: encourage people Why it matters: Encourage already expresses the intended effect, so help to is unnecessary here.
- 11. Make consequence concise Original: show dangerous drivers that their actions have negative consequences Suggested revision: make dangerous drivers face the consequences of their actions Why it matters: The revision expresses the consequence of punishment more directly.
- 12. Avoid heavy intensifier Original: vitally important Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: Essential conveys the strength of the claim more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- with regard to the question of how to make our roads safer about how to make our roads safer
- penalty penalties
- meaning that people avoid repeating the same offence discouraging people from repeating the same offence
- we would hope that drivers become these measures can help drivers become
- several different ways several ways
- an extended or more difficult driving test a longer or more demanding driving test
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response answers every part of the question directly, maintains a clear balanced opinion, and develops both punishment and non-punitive measures through convincing explanation and well-chosen examples. Its main limitation is that the discussion remains somewhat general, particularly when linking public transport investment to road safety. For further refinement, deepen one causal link or acknowledge a realistic limitation while preserving the essay’s concise, highly controlled style.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses both views and presents a clear, consistent opinion supported by relevant explanations and examples.
For further sophistication, briefly qualify when punishment may be most effective compared with preventive measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress seamlessly through a highly controlled structure, with cohesive devices and paragraphing used naturally and effectively.
Maintain this clear progression while varying the opening pattern of body paragraphs in future responses.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise, natural, and flexible throughout, with effective topic-specific choices and consistently accurate collocations.
Continue refining nuance by using selective language to distinguish deterrent, preventive, and infrastructural effects even more sharply.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used flexibly and accurately, with consistently clear control of complex clauses and punctuation.
Preserve this accuracy while experimenting with occasional more compressed structures to make causal relationships even more concise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.