In many countries, a few large organisations have a large range of products, and that causes small and local businesses to ultimately shut down. Some say that the government should strictly control what types of products and services large organisations could offer to people in order to save small and local businesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The dominance of major corporations with a wide array of products and services often leads to unfair competition and disadvantages for smaller enterprises. Therefore, some people advocate for the government to exercise strict control over the types of products and services large organisations could offer. I agree with this view as I believe that by implementing regulations to level the playing field, governments can foster a more diverse and competitive business landscape that benefits both consumers and small businesses.
Large organizations with an extensive range of products often have the advantage of economies of scale, allowing them to lower production costs and offer goods at more competitive prices. As a result, small and local businesses struggle to compete, leading to decreased market share and declining revenues. This phenomenon is particularly evident in the retail industry, where multinational chains can undercut prices of small shops, forcing them to shut down. Without appropriate regulations, these large organisations can monopolize the market, creating an unbalanced business environment that stifles competition and innovation.
Moreover, allowing large organisations to dominate various sectors can also have adverse effects on the preservation of local culture and identity. Small and local businesses often have deep-rooted connections to their communities, offering unique products and services that reflect the region's traditions and heritage. When these businesses are forced to close due to intense competition from larger corporations, a piece of the community's identity is lost, and the charm of local culture diminishes. In Italy, for example, family-owned trattorias and local shops selling artisanal products have long been an integral part of the country's cultural fabric. The expansion of multinational food chains and big-box retailers, however, has posed a threat to these traditional establishments, potentially eroding Italy's distinct culinary and cultural experiences.
In conclusion, by implementing regulations to promote fair competition and preserve local culture and identity, governments can create a thriving business environment that supports both major corporations and smaller enterprises, ultimately benefiting the economy and society as a whole.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the parallel structure Original: unfair competition and disadvantages for smaller enterprises Suggested revision: unfair competitive conditions that disadvantage smaller enterprises Why it matters: The revision connects the adverse conditions directly to their effect on smaller firms.
- 2. Clarify permitted offerings Original: could Suggested revision: may Why it matters: 'May offer' more precisely expresses what regulations would permit.
- 3. Remove repetitive stance wording Original: I agree with this view as I believe Suggested revision: I agree because I believe Why it matters: The replacement avoids repeating two near-identical stance markers.
- 4. Keep British spelling consistent Original: organizations Suggested revision: organisations Why it matters: British spelling is used elsewhere in the response, so this form improves consistency.
- 5. Use a concise collocation Original: have the advantage of economies of scale Suggested revision: benefit from economies of scale Why it matters: The replacement is a more concise and natural collocation.
- 6. Clarify whose prices Original: undercut prices of small shops Suggested revision: undercut the prices charged by small shops Why it matters: The revision makes the comparison between the chains' and shops' prices explicit.
- 7. Use a precise adjective Original: unbalanced Suggested revision: uneven Why it matters: 'Uneven' more naturally describes unequal competitive conditions.
- 8. Use a direct verb Original: can also have adverse effects on the preservation of Suggested revision: can also undermine the preservation of Why it matters: The direct verb makes the causal relationship more concise.
- 9. Use formal phrasing Original: a piece of the community's identity Suggested revision: part of the community's identity Why it matters: 'Part of' is more natural in formal prose than 'a piece of' for an abstract identity.
- 10. Use more precise wording Original: the charm of local culture diminishes Suggested revision: local cultural distinctiveness diminishes Why it matters: The replacement states the cultural loss in more precise academic language.
- 11. Use the general present Original: has posed a threat Suggested revision: poses a threat Why it matters: The simple present fits the essay's general argument about the expansion's ongoing effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- unfair competition and disadvantages for smaller enterprises unfair competitive conditions that disadvantage smaller enterprises
- could may
- I agree with this view as I believe I agree because I believe
- organizations organisations
- have the advantage of economies of scale benefit from economies of scale
- undercut prices of small shops undercut the prices charged by small shops
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response offers a clear, well-developed case for government intervention, linking corporate market power to both unfair competition and the erosion of local culture through a specific example. Its main limitation is that it advocates regulation without explaining what strict product or service controls would look like; the priority is to specify a proportionate policy mechanism and show how it would protect small firms while preserving consumer choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by two well-developed reasons and a relevant example, though the proposed form of strict control remains unspecified.
Name a workable restriction, such as limits on below-cost pricing or local-market concentration, and explain its likely effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used accurately and unobtrusively.
Link the conclusion more directly to the specific policy requested rather than restating the broader benefits of regulation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible across economic and cultural dimensions, with only minor repetition of key topic terms.
Vary repeated references to local culture and organisations while retaining the essay’s precise economic terminology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and naturally, with only rare minor lapses.
Maintain this control while incorporating a more detailed conditional explanation of how a proposed policy would operate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, a few large organisations have a large range of products, and that causes small and local businesses to ultimately shut down. Some say that the government should strictly control what types of products and services large organisations could offer to people in order to save small and local businesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.