People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?
Sample Response
In recent years, many people around the world are spending increasing amounts of time away from their families. This trend can be attributed mainly to career advancement and educational opportunities in other cities or countries.
The modern job market often demands relocation. People move abroad or to large cities for better pay, professional growth, or job stability. Similarly, young adults move away from home to pursue higher education, especially when their desired courses or universities are not available nearby. While these decisions may offer individual benefits, they often require long-term separation from loved ones.
This prolonged distance can lead to weakened family bonds. Children may grow up feeling emotionally distant from one or both parents. Moreover, elderly parents might suffer from loneliness or lack of support. For the individuals away from home, the lack of daily interaction with family can result in stress and a sense of isolation.
In conclusion, although career and education are valid reasons for living away from family, this growing trend can strain family relationships and affect emotional well-being on both sides.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the natural collocation Original: distance Suggested revision: separation Why it matters: “Prolonged separation” describes an extended period away from family more naturally.
- 2. Make the phrase concise Original: For the individuals away from home Suggested revision: For individuals living away from home Why it matters: The revised phrase is more direct while retaining the same reference.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: on both sides Suggested revision: for both those who leave and those who remain Why it matters: The replacement identifies the two affected groups explicitly.
- 4. Make the trend concise Original: are spending increasing amounts of time Suggested revision: are spending increasingly long periods Why it matters: The revision expresses the same trend more concisely.
- 5. Use a precise verb Original: move Suggested revision: relocate Why it matters: “Relocate” precisely describes moving for work or study.
- 6. Refine word choice Original: desired Suggested revision: preferred Why it matters: “Preferred” is a more natural modifier for educational choices.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: individual Suggested revision: personal Why it matters: “Personal benefits” is the more idiomatic phrase in this context.
- 8. Use a concise form Original: weakened Suggested revision: weaker Why it matters: The adjective “weaker” expresses the outcome more directly.
- 9. Use neutral wording Original: elderly Suggested revision: older Why it matters: “Older parents” is a clear and neutral description of this group.
- 10. Use measured wording Original: suffer from loneliness or lack of support Suggested revision: experience loneliness or inadequate support Why it matters: The revision uses precise, measured language for the two effects.
- 11. Make the phrase concise Original: the lack of daily interaction with family Suggested revision: limited daily interaction with family Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is more concise without changing the meaning.
- 12. Use a direct verb Original: can result in stress Suggested revision: can cause stress Why it matters: “Cause” states the relationship more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- distance separation
- For the individuals away from home For individuals living away from home
- on both sides for both those who leave and those who remain
- are spending increasing amounts of time are spending increasingly long periods
- move relocate
- desired preferred
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is notably clear, well organised, and linguistically controlled, presenting relevant causes and effects in a concise progression. Its decisive limitation is the substantial shortfall from the expected length, which leaves otherwise appropriate ideas briefly asserted rather than fully developed. The highest priority is to add specific explanation and examples for both the causes and the effects while preserving the current clarity and accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and effects with relevant ideas, but at only 176 words its points lack the extension and support expected for Task 2.
Reach the expected length by explaining how each cause produces separation and illustrating the consequences for individuals and different family members.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion, with cohesive devices used appropriately.
Preserve this structure while extending each body paragraph with a supporting example that remains tightly connected to its central idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural for the topic, with effective phrases describing relocation, emotional distance, and well-being.
Broaden the discussion with equally precise language for practical family circumstances rather than relying on general references to separation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A flexible range of simple and complex sentences is used with strong control, and the response contains very few noticeable errors.
Maintain this accuracy while adding longer explanatory sentences, ensuring that added complexity does not create overloaded structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.