Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Sample Response
In recent days, there are some people prefer to work directly after graduating from the secondary school instead of pursuing higher level education. They assert that they will obtain some experiences in the workplace, and it develops them to be an independent person. However, I personally disagree about this point because people need the university education to gain a bright future career. This essay will look into the reasons.
To survive in the globalisation era, people need to have higher education. People who enter university education will be more ready to face the world competition. The university education tries to provide skills which are needed for some occupations. It is also supported by a wide knowledge that is obtained by students. They will more understand their study theoretically and practically. For instance, university tends to provide a variety of study fields which pose a great help for people to master their study. Moreover, they will be taught and guided by professional lecturer even some professors who expert in that study. Therefore, it will be full of useful for students.
In addition, university education is the main requirement to gain a better job. It is proved by some companies which prefer to recruit those people who have an academic certificate of bachelor degree instead of secondary level. It is caused by the employers believe that university education already provides professional people. It is supported by the longer time of study thus the people are ready to involve in the workplace.
It is true that it enables people to earn money and learn from their experiences for those who prefer to work directly. However, they lack the theoretical knowledge and cannot gain a good job as same as the higher level students. There will have more opportunities for those graduating from a university rather than that from the secondary level.
To sum up, people should consider that university level education is able to develop the students as an expert person in the study and it can reduce the problems will be faced in the workplace.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use current-time phrase Original: In recent days Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: This phrase usually refers to a few specific recent days rather than a broad present-day trend.
- 2. Remove faulty structure Original: there are some people prefer Suggested revision: some people prefer Why it matters: The existential construction cannot be followed directly by the finite verb “prefer”.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the secondary school Suggested revision: secondary school Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring generally to the stage of education.
- 4. Use standard collocation Original: higher level education Suggested revision: higher education Why it matters: “Higher education” is the established term for university-level study.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: some experiences Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: “Experience” is uncountable when it means general knowledge gained through work.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: it develops them to be Suggested revision: this helps them become Why it matters: The replacement gives the clause a clear referent and uses the correct verb pattern.
- 7. Correct verb collocation Original: disagree about this point Suggested revision: disagree with this view Why it matters: A writer disagrees “with” a view or position.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: need the university education Suggested revision: need university education Why it matters: The general concept “university education” does not take the definite article here.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: a bright future career Suggested revision: better career prospects Why it matters: “Career prospects” naturally expresses the likelihood of obtaining good future work.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: the globalisation era Suggested revision: the era of globalisation Why it matters: The revised phrase is a more natural English collocation.
- 11. Use precise term Original: the world competition Suggested revision: global competition Why it matters: “Global competition” is the natural term for competition across countries.
- 12. Fix subject and verb Original: The university education tries Suggested revision: University education aims Why it matters: The general noun needs no article, and education can aim to provide skills rather than try to do so.
Suggested Rewrites
- In recent days Nowadays
- there are some people prefer some people prefer
- the secondary school secondary school
- higher level education higher education
- some experiences experience
- it develops them to be this helps them become
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and follows a recognizable essay structure, with relevant reasons about education, skills, and employment. Its main limitation is that these ideas remain general and repetitive, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to develop each reason through one specific, logically explained example and then revise sentence structures for accurate articles, agreement, and word forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear disagreement is maintained and supported with relevant reasons, but the ideas are repetitive and only generally developed.
Develop each main reason with a specific example and explain exactly how it leads to better employment outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although linking is sometimes mechanical and several sentences repeat earlier points.
Give each body paragraph one distinct purpose and use referencing or logical transitions instead of repeatedly restating university education.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of education and employment vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as bright future career and full of useful with natural, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, clauses, and word forms persist throughout.
Prioritize complete clause structures and check subject-verb agreement, articles, and noun forms during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.