In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and w riters. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Sample Response
In this modern era of nonstop scientific and technological advancement, artists still command profound respect from people worldwide. There are a number of things about life that the arts can teach us that science and technology fail to do so.
Many forms of art, especially literature, can deliver messages about the appreciation of what we have in life as well as life itself. Hundreds of literary works choose to depict misery, misfortune, and sorrow that still exist in many places, and this sends the strongest message to those who do not appreciate their lives. “The Goldfinch”, for example, which narrates a resonant story about the miserable life the main character led after the unfortunate death of his mother does make each one of us wonder whether we have become heartless toward our own loved ones. And I doubt that there are any technologies in the world that could manage to convey such powerful messages.
Arts teach us to cherish the beauty of culture and are t he fuel for our spiritual lives. This is extremely important in a world where science and technology seem to fade our belief in the gravity of culture in daily life. The connection between arts and culture is here to stay, and traditional music and ancient paintings can remind us of where we came from and who we are at present. That is to say, our cultural identity is preserved in various forms of art.
Although science and technology advance our understanding of all things and better our lives, arts can touch us to a much deeper extent, help us value what we have, and remind us of the significance of our culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty structure Original: fail to do so Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: “Fail to do so” has no clear action to refer back to in this relative clause.
- 2. Use direct wording Original: choose to depict Suggested revision: depict Why it matters: Literary works do not literally choose, so the direct verb is more precise.
- 3. Avoid vague superlative Original: this sends the strongest message Suggested revision: these works send a powerful message Why it matters: The revision supplies a clear referent and avoids an unsupported superlative.
- 4. Smooth the transition Original: And I doubt that Suggested revision: I doubt that Why it matters: Removing the initial conjunction creates a more direct formal transition from the example.
- 5. Use general noun Original: any technologies in the world Suggested revision: any technology Why it matters: The uncountable singular form better denotes technology as a general field.
- 6. Remove wordiness Original: could manage to convey Suggested revision: could convey Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase expresses the same meaning more directly.
- 7. Repair the predicate Original: and are t he fuel for our spiritual lives Suggested revision: and fuel our spiritual lives Why it matters: The revision fixes the malformed phrase and creates a concise parallel predicate.
- 8. Fix verb choice Original: fade Suggested revision: weaken Why it matters: “Weaken” collocates naturally with “belief,” whereas “fade” is intransitive in this use.
- 9. Use precise meaning Original: gravity Suggested revision: importance Why it matters: “Importance” conveys the intended significance more accurately than “gravity.”
- 10. Fix the collocation Original: touch us to a much deeper extent Suggested revision: affect us much more deeply Why it matters: The revised phrase is the idiomatic way to describe a stronger emotional effect.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: nonstop scientific and technological advancement Suggested revision: continuous advances in science and technology Why it matters: The revision avoids a dense nominal phrase and expresses the ongoing change more naturally.
- 12. Prefer natural phrasing Original: command profound respect from people worldwide Suggested revision: remain highly respected worldwide Why it matters: This wording is more direct and idiomatic while retaining the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- fail to do so cannot
- choose to depict depict
- this sends the strongest message these works send a powerful message
- And I doubt that I doubt that
- any technologies in the world any technology
- could manage to convey could convey
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay responds directly to the question through two well-developed ideas, using a relevant literary example and a clear discussion of cultural identity. Its main limitation is occasional unnatural or imprecise phrasing, which slightly weakens an otherwise fluent and persuasive response. The highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and sentence construction so that sophisticated ideas are expressed with consistently natural precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with two relevant, clearly developed insights into what art uniquely communicates about life.
Deepen the comparison slightly by explaining more explicitly why scientific knowledge cannot create the same emotional or cultural understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced within a clear four-paragraph structure, and cohesion is generally smooth and unobtrusive.
Refine the transition from the literary example to the contrast with technology so the reasoning connects even more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a wide range of topic-specific vocabulary, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise despite remaining understandable.
Choose more natural formulations for phrases such as fade our belief and gravity of culture, and remove accidental spacing errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with strong control, while occasional awkward constructions and punctuation issues do not impede meaning.
Edit long relative-clause sentences carefully to ensure their subjects, punctuation, and emphatic structures remain fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and w riters. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.