In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
With globalisation and international trade facilities, international fast food brands like Pizza Hut, Burger King, Starbucks, and McDonald’s are present in almost all major cities around the world, and they are replacing traditional foods in many countries. Some people say that this trend has severe negative consequences both on our family and society, and I agree with this view.
Fast food items are addictive and have little nutritious value. We have fast food shops on every corner of our city streets and their soaring popularity is the reason we already have a society where obesity is a common problem. According to a recent publication, one in every five children in our country is overweight, and fast food is the number one reason for that. Since fast food items have a high density of fats and sugar, their intake makes people suffer from so many serious diseases these days. This illness puts a stain on the family and society.
Moreover, cooking and eating together in a family is a tradition that not only brings family members together but also ensures their sound health and relationship. However, with the popularity of international fast-food chains, families have little time to cook and eat together. This is decreasing their family time and deteriorating their relationship. Traditional foods not only represent the tradition and value of a society but also offer the best nutrition and healthy ingredients. On the contrary, international fast foods destroy our well-being by decaying our health and also giving birth to a fast food-loving generation who will suffer from various diseases. These are all so negative for our family and society.
In conclusion, it is a very pressing issue that we are relying more on fast foods than preparing traditional foods at home. This has so many negative consequences that individuals, as well as the government, should take quick and effective steps to revert the dreadful trend of eating fast foods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the trade phrase Original: international trade facilities Suggested revision: expanded international trade Why it matters: 'Trade facilities' does not naturally describe the growth of cross-border trade.
- 2. Use formal exemplification Original: brands like Suggested revision: chains such as Why it matters: The examples are restaurant chains, and 'such as' is more appropriate in formal writing.
- 3. Use a natural subject Original: Fast food items are addictive Suggested revision: Fast food can be addictive Why it matters: The mass noun 'fast food' and modal 'can' express the general claim more naturally.
- 4. Use the adjective form Original: nutritious Suggested revision: nutritional Why it matters: 'Nutritional' is the adjective that correctly modifies 'value'.
- 5. Choose a precise noun Original: fast food shops Suggested revision: fast-food outlets Why it matters: 'Outlets' is a more precise term for businesses selling fast food.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: on every corner of our city streets Suggested revision: on every street corner in our cities Why it matters: The revision removes the redundant combination of 'corner' and 'city streets'.
- 7. Avoid an absolute cause Original: the Suggested revision: one Why it matters: 'One reason' preserves the causal claim without presenting it as the sole explanation.
- 8. Use a formal relative Original: a society where obesity is a common problem Suggested revision: a society in which obesity is common Why it matters: 'In which' refers more precisely to an abstract setting such as society.
- 9. Use formal causal wording Original: number one reason for that Suggested revision: primary cause of this Why it matters: The revision is more formal and gives the preceding condition a clearer reference.
- 10. Fix the quantity phrase Original: a high density of fats and sugar Suggested revision: high levels of fat and sugar Why it matters: 'High levels' is the natural collocation, and 'fat' is normally uncountable in this context.
- 11. Express causation naturally Original: makes people suffer from Suggested revision: can cause people to suffer from Why it matters: The causative construction 'cause someone to' is more natural and appropriately qualified.
- 12. Use concise formal wording Original: so many serious diseases these days Suggested revision: many serious diseases Why it matters: Removing the conversational intensifier and vague time phrase makes the claim more formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- international trade facilities expanded international trade
- brands like chains such as
- Fast food items are addictive Fast food can be addictive
- nutritious nutritional
- fast food shops fast-food outlets
- on every corner of our city streets on every street corner in our cities
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops relevant effects on health, family relationships, and cultural traditions in a logically organised argument. Its main limitation is imprecise wording and several awkward collocations, which sometimes weaken the sophistication of otherwise varied vocabulary. The highest-priority improvement is to replace exaggerated or unnatural expressions with precise academic phrasing and develop the societal impact with more specific reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is sustained, and relevant negative effects on families and society are explained with supporting detail.
Develop the societal consequences more specifically and qualify broad health claims so the argument becomes more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and progresses clearly, although the third paragraph combines several ideas somewhat densely.
Separate the cultural impact from the family-health discussion to give each line of reasoning a sharper progression.
Lexical Resource
The response shows useful range, but recurring awkward collocations and exaggerated wording reduce lexical precision.
Replace phrases such as decaying our health and revert the trend with natural, precise academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is generally controlled, with occasional errors in reference, agreement, and preposition choice.
Check plural reference and sentence boundaries so pronouns and dependent clauses connect unambiguously to their intended nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.