Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem.
Sample Response
In recent times, most major cities around the world are experiencing rapid growth due to an increase in population. The surge in population has resulted in a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more congested and polluted. This essay will outline the reasons behind this growth and propose practical solutions to this problem.
One of the main reasons for the upsurge in population in city areas is migration. People are moving from rural areas to urban areas in search of better opportunities, such as employment and education. This migration is further compounded by natural population growth, which has also contributed to the overall increase in population in cities. As a result, the environment in city areas is becoming overcrowded and contaminated.
To solve this problem, city planners need to take a holistic approach to urban planning. Firstly, cities need to be developed in such a way that they are self-sustainable, with infrastructure and resources that can cater to the growing inhabitants. This includes the development of public transportation systems, such as trains and buses, to ease the burden on roads and reduce air pollution. Additionally, cities need to be designed in a way that allows for green spaces and recreational areas, such as parks and playgrounds, to counterbalance the concrete jungle effect.
Furthermore, cities need to adopt more environmentally friendly practices, such as the use of renewable energy sources, like solar power and wind power, to reduce their carbon footprint. Incentives should also be provided to encourage residents to use environmentally friendly modes of transportation, such as bicycles and electric cars.
In conclusion, the rapid growth of major cities around the world has led to an overall fall in the quality of life as the environment becomes polluted. This problem can be addressed by urban planning, including the development of self-sustainable cities with green spaces and the use of environmentally friendly practices. By implementing these solutions, we can ensure that city areas remain livable and sustainable for future generations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: upsurge in population in city areas Suggested revision: growth of urban populations Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and avoids the repeated prepositional phrases.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: This migration is further compounded by Suggested revision: This population increase is compounded by Why it matters: Natural growth compounds the population increase rather than the act of migration.
- 3. Choose the precise term Original: contaminated Suggested revision: polluted Why it matters: 'Polluted' is the more natural term for the urban environmental problem described.
- 4. Use standard adjective Original: sustainable Suggested revision: sustaining Why it matters: 'Self-sustaining' is the standard adjective for a city able to maintain its systems and resources.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: cater to the growing inhabitants Suggested revision: meet the needs of the growing population Why it matters: Infrastructure meets people's needs; it does not 'cater to' inhabitants themselves in this context.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: development of public transportation systems Suggested revision: expansion of public transport systems Why it matters: 'Expansion' more directly describes increasing transport capacity for a growing city.
- 7. Name the effect precisely Original: ease the burden on roads Suggested revision: reduce congestion on roads Why it matters: The replacement states the intended transport effect more precisely.
- 8. Make wording concise Original: designed in a way that allows for Suggested revision: designed to include Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning and improves clarity.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: counterbalance the concrete jungle effect Suggested revision: offset the effects of dense urban development Why it matters: The replacement conveys the idea in more precise academic language.
- 10. Introduce examples formally Original: renewable energy sources, like Suggested revision: renewable energy sources, such as Why it matters: 'Such as' introduces the listed examples more formally.
- 11. Use consistent terminology Original: fall Suggested revision: decline Why it matters: 'Decline' is the more natural collocation with 'quality of life' and matches the essay's formal register.
- 12. Correct the preposition Original: by Suggested revision: through Why it matters: 'Through' more clearly presents urban planning as the means of addressing the problem.
Suggested Rewrites
- upsurge in population in city areas growth of urban populations
- This migration is further compounded by This population increase is compounded by
- contaminated polluted
- sustainable sustaining
- cater to the growing inhabitants meet the needs of the growing population
- development of public transportation systems expansion of public transport systems
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly addresses both causes and solutions, using a clear progression and well-developed, practical proposals supported by consistently strong language control. The causes section is slightly less developed than the solutions, and a few expressions are somewhat imprecise. The highest priority is to add fuller explanation of how each cause drives urban growth while preserving the essay’s concise, cohesive organisation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the task with relevant causes and practical, well-explained solutions, though the causes receive less development.
Explain the mechanism and impact of each cause as fully as the proposed urban-planning solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices are used clearly without disrupting the flow.
Strengthen the balance of the argument by giving the causes section comparable structural weight to the solutions.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, with only occasional slightly awkward choices such as growing inhabitants.
Refine the few less natural collocations by choosing precise alternatives such as a growing population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the response is largely free of grammatical errors.
Maintain this control while varying a few repeated sentence openings in the solutions section.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem.
Your response
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