In many countries the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Sample Response
It is true that nowadays people in industrialised nations can expect to live longer than ever before. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences to this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.
As people live longer and the populations of developed countries grow older, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that there will obviously be more people of retirement age who will be eligible to receive a pension. The proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller, and governments will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the population. In other words, an ageing population will mean a greater tax burden of working adults. Further pressures will include a rise in the demand for healthcare, and the fact young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives.
There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, a simple solution would be to increase the retirement age for working adults, perhaps from 65 to 70. Nowadays, people of this age tend to be healthy enough to continue a productive working life. A second measure would be for governments to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. Finally, money from national budgets will need to be taken from other areas and spent for vital healthcare, accommodation and transport facilities for the rising numbers of senior citizens.
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the populations of countries grow older.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun 'consequences' takes 'of' when identifying their source.
- 2. Remove needless certainty Original: will obviously be more people Suggested revision: will be more people Why it matters: Removing 'obviously' keeps the prediction measured and concise.
- 3. Use precise tax phrase Original: receive less money in taxes Suggested revision: collect less tax revenue Why it matters: 'Collect tax revenue' is the more precise collocation for government income.
- 4. Tighten comparison Original: in relation to the size of the population Suggested revision: relative to the size of the population Why it matters: 'Relative to' expresses this comparison more concisely.
- 5. Correct burden preposition Original: of Suggested revision: on Why it matters: A burden is placed 'on' people, so 'on' is the required preposition here.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: continue a productive working life Suggested revision: continue working productively Why it matters: This revision expresses the same idea in a more natural and concise way.
- 7. Correct spending preposition Original: for Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Money is normally described as being spent 'on' services or facilities.
- 8. Improve quantity phrase Original: the rising numbers of senior citizens Suggested revision: the growing number of senior citizens Why it matters: 'The growing number' is the more natural expression for an increasing population group.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Further pressures will include a rise in the demand for healthcare, and the fact young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives. Suggested revision: Further pressures will include rising demand for healthcare and the increasing need for young adults to look after their elderly relatives. Why it matters: Parallel noun phrases make the two pressures grammatically balanced and easier to follow.
- 10. Clarify solution link Suggested revision: Signal that the final budget-reallocation measure responds directly to the healthcare pressure identified earlier. Why it matters: An explicit link would strengthen progression from the stated problem to its corresponding response.
Suggested Rewrites
- to of
- will obviously be more people will be more people
- receive less money in taxes collect less tax revenue
- in relation to the size of the population relative to the size of the population
- of on
- continue a productive working life continue working productively
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct, logically developed treatment of both the fiscal pressures created by ageing and several practical policy responses. Its main limitation is that some impacts and solutions, especially the effects on individuals and the reallocation of public spending, are stated more briefly than they are analysed. Prioritise extending these points with clearer cause-and-effect explanation and more specific consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both required parts directly with relevant problems and practical measures that are generally well explained.
Develop the individual consequences and the proposed budget reallocation more fully by tracing their specific effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, separate problem and solution paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Strengthen links between each identified pressure and its corresponding solution to make the progression even more integrated.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys demographic, fiscal, and social issues effectively, with only minor collocational slips.
Refine collocations such as placing a tax burden on workers and spending money on services.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with very few errors.
Polish preposition choices and article use in the few sentences where control is slightly less precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.