People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the cause and effects of widespread drug abuse by young people. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Sample Response
It is a fact that most people in this modern era consume drugs either because doctors prescribe them or they take the medicines themselves. But it is noticed that the young people are consuming both legal and illegal drugs from an early age and this is indeed a concerning issue in today's society. Some experts believe that it is the fault of the parents and others members of communities that show an inappropriate example. Easy access to drugs is another problem that accelerates the depth of this concerning issue. The following essay will discuss the causes, effects and solutions that can be considered to resolve the issue. For a number of reasons, many young generations are using legal and illegal drugs nowadays. Firstly, many teenagers are taking drugs due to the fact that they want to be relieved from the family problems. One of the examples is that their parents' marriage might not be working out well and could be in a divorce stage. These teens are stressed out with a bad family condition and the way to release it for them is to consume drugs. Secondly, many young people are using drugs because they live in an unsafe neighbourhood. They live in a society where as most of the adults are consuming drugs and drug dealers are moving around in the area. They could be friends with drug users and dealers, and in the end, they will also consume the drugs. Curiosity and lack of proper guideline are the two other reasons many young declines towards drug use. Most interestingly in many modern societies abusing drugs has become a fashion trend and many young simply follow this trend and as a consequence get trapped. Easy access to drugs in many countries and lack of monitoring by the authority lead to drug abuse by many young. Many young people are abusing drugs and this results in serious problems. One of the effects is that these drugs are affecting their brain and mental conditions. Without consuming the drugs, they cannot think clearly and they would act like a paranoid without proper care. Another serious effect is that some of these young people might not have enough money to purchase the drug, but as they are addicted to it, they would do anything to get it. They might steal things, become a thief or even rob a store. The overall impact of this in a society is quite dangerous and the young who are meant to lead the society in the future are simply destroying their potential. There are several things that people and government could do to resolve the issue. The government could make a campaign about how to raise young people and how to maintain the marriage. These campaigns must be socialised to all family members and show the impact of a bad marriage to young people. And then the government should also give more attention to high crime areas. Drug dealers must be arrested and drug users must be punished and sentenced to jail. By implementing these solutions, it is hoped that it will reduce the number of young people who consume drugs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate drug verb Original: the young people are consuming Suggested revision: young people are using Why it matters: Use is the standard verb for taking legal or illegal drugs in this context.
- 2. Fix age preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At is the standard preposition with the phrase an early age.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: accelerates the depth Suggested revision: increases the severity Why it matters: Severity describes how serious an issue is, whereas depth does not collocate with accelerate here.
- 4. Use correct group noun Original: generations Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Generations refers to broad age cohorts and cannot be counted this way to mean individual young people.
- 5. Clarify intended meaning Original: relieved from the family problems Suggested revision: escape their family problems Why it matters: The revised phrase accurately conveys using drugs to avoid distress caused by family difficulties.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: in a divorce stage Suggested revision: heading for divorce Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic, while heading for divorce expresses the intended situation clearly.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: stressed out with a bad family condition Suggested revision: distressed by a difficult family situation Why it matters: The revision uses an appropriate preposition and a natural phrase for family circumstances.
- 8. Clarify vague reference Original: the way to release it for them Suggested revision: their way of relieving this stress Why it matters: The revision identifies what is being relieved and removes the unclear pronoun it.
- 9. Remove incorrect connector Original: where as most of the adults Suggested revision: where most of the adults Why it matters: Where already introduces the place clause, so as is ungrammatical and unnecessary.
- 10. Complete noun phrase Original: many young simply follow Suggested revision: many young people simply follow Why it matters: Young is an adjective here and requires the noun people.
- 11. State outcome clearly Original: as a consequence get trapped Suggested revision: as a consequence become addicted Why it matters: Become addicted names the specific consequence instead of using the vague phrase get trapped.
- 12. Use plural authority noun Original: authority Suggested revision: authorities Why it matters: Authorities is the conventional plural term for the public bodies responsible for enforcement.
Suggested Rewrites
- the young people are consuming young people are using
- from at
- accelerates the depth increases the severity
- generations people
- relieved from the family problems escape their family problems
- in a divorce stage heading for divorce
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response fully engages with causes, effects, and possible remedies, developing several relevant chains of explanation about family stress, social exposure, addiction, and crime. Its main limitation is presentation as one long paragraph, compounded by frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors that weaken readability. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit each section for accurate, natural sentence construction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All three required elements are covered with multiple relevant causes and effects and a clearly identifiable set of recommendations.
Make the recommendations more persuasive by explaining how prevention and treatment would address the identified causes, rather than relying mainly on punishment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable causes-effects-solutions sequence, but the single unbroken paragraph substantially weakens organisation and readability.
Separate the introduction, causes, effects, and recommendations into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences and controlled transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough range for the topic, but frequent imprecise or unnatural expressions limit lexical control.
Replace awkward phrases such as accelerates the depth and many young declines towards with precise, natural descriptions of risk and behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the message, although agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-structure errors occur frequently.
Edit one clause at a time for agreement and complementation, especially in sentences with relative clauses, passive forms, or multiple ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the cause and effects of widespread drug abuse by young people. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.