Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough, and that other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some people opine that making smoking illegal in public spaces constitutes the most effective approach while others advocate for additional measures. This essay will examine both perspectives. However, I believe that while banning smoking in public places is a step in the right direction, additional measures are imperative to effectively discourage people from smoking.
Advocates for making smoking illegal in public places argue that such measures protect non-smokers from the harmful effects of secondhand smoke. Prohibiting smoking in public areas, such as parks and restaurants, not only reduces exposure to passive smoke but also diminishes the normalization of smoking behaviours. Thus they believe that if people can not smoke in public places, they would be dissuaded from continuing this habit. For instance, countries that have implemented strict smoking bans in public spaces have witnessed a decline in smoking rates, and it suggests that such measures play a role in discouraging the habit.
Contrarily, others argue that solely banning smoking in public areas may not be adequate to address the multifaceted issue of smoking addiction. They advocate for comprehensive anti-smoking strategies that encompass educational campaigns, increased taxation on tobacco products, and accessible cessation programmes. For instance, educational initiatives that highlight the health risks associated with smoking can dissuade potential smokers and encourage current smokers to quit. Moreover, raising taxes on tobacco products has been shown to reduce consumption, particularly among price-sensitive demographics.
In conclusion, while banning smoking in public spaces is a commendable measure, it is insufficient on its own to effectively discourage smoking. Comprehensive anti-smoking strategies encompassing education and taxation are essential for combating the multifaceted challenges posed by smoking addiction.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is more natural and direct when introducing a viewpoint.
- 2. Simplify the phrasing Original: constitutes the most effective approach Suggested revision: is the most effective approach Why it matters: The simpler verb makes the claim more direct without changing its meaning.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: smoking behaviours Suggested revision: smoking behaviour Why it matters: Smoking behaviour is normally treated as an uncountable general concept here.
- 4. Add a comma Original: Thus Suggested revision: Thus, Why it matters: A comma should follow this sentence-opening linking adverb.
- 5. Use standard spelling Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: Cannot is conventionally written as one word.
- 6. Improve modal consistency Original: they would be dissuaded Suggested revision: they may be dissuaded Why it matters: May expresses the possible result more consistently with the present-tense condition.
- 7. Use a clearer reference Original: continuing this habit Suggested revision: continuing the habit Why it matters: The definite article refers clearly to the smoking habit already discussed.
- 8. Link the evidence clearly Original: and it suggests Suggested revision: which suggests Why it matters: Which connects the inference directly to the preceding decline in smoking rates.
- 9. Use a natural contrast Original: Contrarily Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast is the more natural transition between opposing views.
- 10. Reduce wordiness Original: multifaceted challenges posed by smoking addiction Suggested revision: challenges associated with smoking addiction Why it matters: This wording expresses the same idea more concisely and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- opine argue
- constitutes the most effective approach is the most effective approach
- smoking behaviours smoking behaviour
- Thus Thus,
- can not cannot
- they would be dissuaded they may be dissuaded
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its direct, well-balanced treatment of both views, supported by a clear and consistent opinion. Its main limitation is that the supporting examples remain broad and asserted rather than being explored in much concrete depth. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one example in each body paragraph more specifically, showing exactly how the measure changes smoking behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are relevant and well developed.
Make the examples more concrete and extend their causal explanation to deepen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Refine a few explicit transitions so that links between claims and examples feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used effectively, including strong topic-specific expressions about public health and addiction.
Replace slightly awkward choices such as “Contrarily” with more idiomatic linking language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses.
Polish small details such as writing “cannot” as one word and maintaining consistently precise punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough, and that other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.