People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the cause and effects of widespread drug abuse by young people. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Sample Response
Nowadays, youth drug abuse has increased at an alarming rate in many societies which is leading to unhealthy lifestyle and setting bad trends in society. Unaware of their effects, adolescents are experimenting with both allowed and prohibited drugs in early childhood age. Sociologists believe that parents and other members of society are responsible for its increase usage. This essay will analyse the cause and effect of taking drugs and will make some recommendations to eradicate this abuse.
The very first reason in drug adoption in youth is primarily due to parents, guardians and social circle. Parents may consume drugs to remain active at work or to relieve their bodies from mental stresses of everyday life. For instance, a divorced mother consuming drugs to comfort herself from the horror of past will set a bad example for her children to follow. This act will lead to an unhealthy lifestyle where children will opt to do the same.
Another compelling reason which has significantly increased the drug usage is media and pressures to perform well in studies. Youth is challenged to deliver the most in academic institutes and this pressure forces them to consume both legal and illegal drugs. Media also plays a vital role, for instance, body building and other fitness advertisements portraits how mega mass and other medicines can help grow their muscles in a matter of time or lose weight in days. Though these look appealing and their continued usage without consulting a physician will have adverse effects on the body and will harm it in the longer run.
To conclude, I recommend that the only possible way to eradicate this acute problem is through organising drug awareness and counselling programs. Government and civil society should put in their efforts to educate young people about the harmful effects of drugs addiction and should provide counselling services where required. By the passage of time, these practices will ensure that adolescents of our society will live a healthy life free from drugs and other harmful medication.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard legal terms Original: allowed and prohibited drugs Suggested revision: legal and illegal drugs Why it matters: The standard contrast is between legal and illegal drugs.
- 2. Use natural age phrase Original: in early childhood age Suggested revision: at an early age Why it matters: The original phrase is redundant and takes the wrong preposition.
- 3. Fix possessive and word form Original: its increase usage Suggested revision: their increased use Why it matters: The plural antecedent requires “their,” and “increased” is the correct modifier.
- 4. Use plural categories Original: the cause and effect of taking drugs Suggested revision: the causes and effects of drug use Why it matters: The task concerns multiple causes and effects, and “drug use” is more concise.
- 5. Use realistic action verb Original: eradicate Suggested revision: combat Why it matters: “Combat” is a more natural verb for addressing an ongoing social problem.
- 6. Correct noun complements Original: reason in drug adoption in youth Suggested revision: reason for drug use among young people Why it matters: “Reason” takes “for,” and “among” identifies the affected group.
- 7. Use plural and list comma Original: parents, guardians and social circle Suggested revision: parents, guardians, and social circles Why it matters: The general count noun must be plural, and the list needs consistent punctuation.
- 8. Use stress collocation Original: relieve their bodies from mental stresses Suggested revision: relieve mental stress Why it matters: People relieve stress; bodies are not relieved from stresses in this sense.
- 9. Use precise trauma phrase Original: the horror of past Suggested revision: the trauma of her past Why it matters: The replacement adds the required possessive reference and uses a natural noun.
- 10. Use present generalization Original: will set a bad example Suggested revision: sets a bad example Why it matters: The example describes a general causal relationship, so present tense is appropriate.
- 11. Use result structure Original: where children will opt to do the same Suggested revision: causing children to choose the same behaviour Why it matters: “Where” cannot introduce this result, and “opt to do” is awkward here.
- 12. Use factor and relative pronoun Original: Another compelling reason which Suggested revision: Another compelling factor that Why it matters: “Factor” fits the causal role, and a restrictive clause takes “that.”
Suggested Rewrites
- allowed and prohibited drugs legal and illegal drugs
- in early childhood age at an early age
- its increase usage their increased use
- the cause and effect of taking drugs the causes and effects of drug use
- eradicate combat
- reason in drug adoption in youth reason for drug use among young people
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies several plausible causes and offers practical awareness and counselling recommendations, with parental modelling as its clearest developed point. Its main limitation is uneven task coverage: the effects of youth drug abuse receive only brief health references, while recommendations are compressed into the conclusion. Prioritise a dedicated effects paragraph covering health, education, relationships, and crime, followed by a developed solutions paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Several causes are explained and recommendations are offered, but the effects component is substantially less developed.
Add a focused effects paragraph with specific consequences for health, education, relationships, and wider society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically paragraphed by causes and moves clearly to recommendations, though the effects and solutions are not given distinct development.
Use separate paragraphs for causes, effects, and recommendations so each required part has a clear structural role.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, with recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms.
Refine phrases such as 'early childhood age', 'reason in drug adoption', 'mental stresses', and 'drugs addiction'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is attempted, but recurring agreement, article, pronoun, and clause errors reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference, particularly in sentences describing media, advertisements, and their effects.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the cause and effects of widespread drug abuse by young people. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.