You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter: - introduce yourself - describe the problems - explain what type of room you would prefer
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to request you to change my current accommodation arrangement in our college hostel, and let me move into another room which is favourable for studies and pleasant to live in. I am Erica Garcia, a science major student in your college, and I reside in the college hostel in room F-412. I find it very challenging to live and study in this room. First of all, the room is quite small to accommodate two students. Two beds and other necessary furniture in this room leave no open space, and we hardly get space to walk or move in this room. Because of that, we were hurt several times by the sharp corners of the iron beds. The lack of proper ventilation facilities, and the scarcity of natural sunlight and fresh air are two big issues with this room. We are bound to use the electric light 24 hours a day. It is quite suffocating, and because of this, I can not concentrate on my studies. Therefore, I humbly request you to allow me any other room where at least a proper ventilation facility is present. I am hoping that you would let me move into another room, preferably a large one, before my semester final in October. I am looking forward to your positive response. Yours faithfully, Erica Garcia
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix request structure Original: request you to change Suggested revision: request that you change Why it matters: “Request that” requires a following clause in this formal construction.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: favourable for studies Suggested revision: conducive to studying Why it matters: This collocation expresses suitability for study more naturally.
- 3. Fix noun phrase Original: a science major student Suggested revision: a science major Why it matters: “Science major” already identifies a student’s field and does not need another noun.
- 4. Add degree marker Original: small to accommodate two students Suggested revision: too small to accommodate two students Why it matters: “Too” is needed to show that the room lacks sufficient size.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: hardly get space Suggested revision: hardly have enough space Why it matters: “Have enough space” is the natural collocation for available room.
- 6. Use present perfect Original: we were hurt several times Suggested revision: we have been hurt several times Why it matters: The present perfect links the repeated incidents to the current accommodation problem.
- 7. Remove the comma Original: facilities, and the scarcity Suggested revision: facilities and the scarcity Why it matters: A comma should not separate the two coordinated noun phrases forming the subject.
- 8. Use plural lights Original: light Suggested revision: lights Why it matters: The plural noun more naturally refers to the room’s lighting generally.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: where at least a proper ventilation facility is present Suggested revision: that has adequate ventilation Why it matters: This expresses the requested room feature clearly and naturally.
- 10. Complete the request Original: allow me any other room Suggested revision: allow me to move to another room Why it matters: “Allow” needs an infinitive here to state the requested action clearly.
- 11. Improve parallel wording Original: our college hostel, and let me move Suggested revision: the college hostel and allow me to move Why it matters: The revision removes an unnecessary comma and keeps the two requested actions parallel.
- 12. Use institutional reference Original: in your college Suggested revision: at the college Why it matters: This preposition and neutral reference are more natural in a formal letter to an administrator.
Suggested Rewrites
- request you to change request that you change
- favourable for studies conducive to studying
- a science major student a science major
- small to accommodate two students too small to accommodate two students
- hardly get space hardly have enough space
- we were hurt several times we have been hurt several times
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response fulfils the request convincingly by identifying the writer, explaining several serious room problems, and specifying a preferred replacement in an appropriately respectful tone. Its main limitations are the single-block presentation and several unnatural collocations or repeated phrases. Organise the material into distinct paragraphs and refine awkward expressions so that the strong content reads more fluently and professionally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are addressed directly and developed with convincing details about space, safety, ventilation, and the preferred room.
Make the requested outcome even more precise by stating whether the replacement must be both larger and better ventilated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from identification through the problems to the request, although the lack of visible paragraph divisions reduces readability.
Separate the introduction, room problems, and requested solution into clear paragraphs and reduce repeated references to this room.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and specific, but expressions such as favourable for studies and semester final are not fully natural.
Use more idiomatic collocations, such as suitable for studying and final examinations, while avoiding repetition of room and facility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally controlled, though several constructions and punctuation choices are awkward or inaccurate.
Revise structures such as request you to change and remove unnecessary commas to make complex sentences more natural and precise.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- describe the problems
- explain what type of room you would prefer
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.