You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter: - introduce yourself - describe the problems - explain what type of room you would prefer
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Aaron Johnson, and I have been living at one of the Trinity college hostels for almost 6 months. My room number is 241, and I share it with another student. Regrettably, I am writing this letter to inform you about some of the severe problems that I have been dealing with for the last six months. First of all, this room is too small for 2 students. In fact, after setting there two single beds and two study tables, there is hardly any extra space left in the room. Besides, the walls of the room on all sides remain dampened most of the time, spreading some kind of bad odour, which is certainly not good for our health. In fact, because of this continuous foul odour, sometimes we cough. Finally, the attached bathroom very seldom releases hot water, and as a result, we have to take a shower in cold water which makes us sick, during the winter. Therefore, I would really appreciate it if you please transfer us to another room which is remodelled or built new and has a hot water supply in its attached bathroom. Yours faithfully, Aaron Johnson
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise location Original: one of the Trinity college hostels Suggested revision: a Trinity College hostel Why it matters: The shorter phrase is natural, and the institution name should be capitalised.
- 2. Spell out small number Original: 6 Suggested revision: six Why it matters: Spelling out a small number is more consistent with formal letter prose.
- 3. Use direct wording Original: some of the severe problems Suggested revision: several serious problems Why it matters: This phrase states the extent of the problem more naturally and concisely.
- 4. Formalise the number Original: 2 Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Writing the small number as a word suits the formal register.
- 5. Fix word order Original: after setting there two single beds Suggested revision: after placing two single beds there Why it matters: The original verb and adverb placement are not grammatical in this context.
- 6. Remove redundant word Original: hardly any extra space left Suggested revision: hardly any space left Why it matters: “Any space left” already conveys that no additional room remains.
- 7. Use correct adjective Original: dampened Suggested revision: damp Why it matters: “Damp” describes the continuing wall condition, whereas “dampened” normally describes something made slightly wet.
- 8. Use precise description Original: spreading some kind of bad odour Suggested revision: producing a persistent unpleasant odour Why it matters: The suggested phrase removes vague wording and uses the natural verb for an odour.
- 9. Use formal health phrase Original: not good for our health Suggested revision: harmful to our health Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 10. Correct supply phrase Original: very seldom releases hot water Suggested revision: rarely provides hot water Why it matters: A bathroom or water system provides hot water rather than releases it.
- 11. Use concise expression Original: take a shower in cold water Suggested revision: shower in cold water Why it matters: The shorter verb phrase is natural and preserves the meaning.
- 12. Remove wrong comma Original: makes us sick, during the winter Suggested revision: makes us ill during the winter Why it matters: No comma should separate the verb phrase from its time expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- one of the Trinity college hostels a Trinity College hostel
- 6 six
- some of the severe problems several serious problems
- 2 two
- after setting there two single beds after placing two single beds there
- hardly any extra space left hardly any space left
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter’s strongest feature is its full, specific explanation of the accommodation problems and the clear request for a more suitable room. Its main limitation is that all ideas are compressed into one block and several awkward expressions weaken otherwise clear communication. The highest priority is to separate the purpose, problems, and requested solution into paragraphs while correcting unnatural verb patterns and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter clearly establishes the writer’s identity, develops several serious room problems, and specifies the desired replacement in an appropriately formal tone.
Make the preferred room description even more explicit by stating that it must be larger, dry, and equipped with reliable hot water.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problems progress logically and linking phrases guide the reader, but the entire letter appears as one dense paragraph and some connectors are repetitive.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, the problems, and the requested room, while reducing repeated use of “In fact”.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and includes relevant terms such as “foul odour” and “attached bathroom”, though several collocations are unnatural.
Replace awkward phrases such as “after setting there” and “releases hot water” with natural choices such as “after fitting in” and “provides hot water”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences communicates the message clearly, but errors in word order, clause construction, and punctuation recur.
Improve control of polite request structures and sentence boundaries, for example by writing “I would appreciate it if you could transfer us”.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- describe the problems
- explain what type of room you would prefer
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.