You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain: - when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains - how long you will stay - how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Rona Olivar and I had a phone conversation with you last week. I am organizing a group of students from Perth Elementary School to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a study tour. As a student adviser, I am writing to you regarding some information we need to reserve your hostel. Firstly, we will be visiting the mountains on 25th April, next Saturday. I and my students will be staying in your hostel for seven days because we will be conducting a long educational trip in those snowy mountains. Secondly, the group has twenty members in total including me. So we will need at least 8 rooms to accommodate us. We are looking for something cheap and expecting a discount from you. I would like to know if you can provide us with the required accommodation at your hostel and if so, how I can reserve it. I am looking forward to your immediate attention with regards to my queries. Yours faithfully, Rona Olivar
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: I had a phone conversation with you last week Suggested revision: we spoke by phone last week Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to refer to the earlier call.
- 2. Clarify the visit date Original: 25th April, next Saturday Suggested revision: Saturday, 25 April Why it matters: Giving the day and date in this order makes the requested visit time clearer.
- 3. Correct pronoun order Original: I and my students Suggested revision: My students and I Why it matters: The first-person pronoun should come after the other noun phrase in a compound subject.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: conducting a long educational trip Suggested revision: taking an extended educational trip Why it matters: People normally take or go on a trip rather than conduct one.
- 5. Name the destination Original: those snowy mountains Suggested revision: the Snowy Mountains Why it matters: The proper place name is clearer and avoids an unnatural demonstrative phrase.
- 6. Remove mechanical sequencing Original: Secondly, the group Suggested revision: The group Why it matters: The information flows clearly without a mechanical second-list marker.
- 7. Set off added detail Original: twenty members in total including me Suggested revision: twenty people in total, including me Why it matters: The supplementary phrase should be separated with a comma.
- 8. Use formal linkage Original: So we will need Suggested revision: We will therefore need Why it matters: This expresses the result in a more formal way for a letter to a manager.
- 9. Spell out the number Original: 8 Suggested revision: eight Why it matters: Spelling out this small number is more polished in a formal letter.
- 10. Use the full name Original: the mountains Suggested revision: the Snowy Mountains Why it matters: The full destination name is more precise in the visit details.
- 11. Soften the request Original: immediate attention Suggested revision: prompt response Why it matters: Immediate attention sounds demanding when asking the hostel manager for help.
- 12. Correct fixed phrase Original: with regards to Suggested revision: regarding Why it matters: With regard to is the standard fixed expression, while regarding is concise here.
Suggested Rewrites
- I had a phone conversation with you last week we spoke by phone last week
- 25th April, next Saturday Saturday, 25 April
- I and my students My students and I
- conducting a long educational trip taking an extended educational trip
- those snowy mountains the Snowy Mountains
- Secondly, the group The group
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly states the visit date, seven-day duration, group size and need for eight affordable rooms, so the hostel manager receives all essential booking information. The formal purpose and request are consistently clear, and the follow-up question about reserving the rooms is useful. The main limitation is language naturalness, with several awkward request and travel phrases. Prioritize accurate professional collocations and smoother sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All required details are fully covered, including the date, length of stay, number of travellers, room requirement and booking request.
Specify the preferred room arrangement, such as twin or shared rooms, to make the accommodation request more precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from trip context to timing, group details and the final reservation query, although the single-block format reduces readability.
Use separate paragraphs for the trip schedule, accommodation needs, and price and reservation questions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for a formal hostel enquiry, but phrases such as 'conducting a long educational trip' and 'immediate attention' sound unnatural.
Use direct combinations such as 'taking part in a study tour', 'budget accommodation' and 'a prompt response'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms communicates the request, but pronoun order, article use and preposition patterns contain noticeable errors.
Correct forms such as 'my students and I', 'information needed to book' and 'with regard to my questions'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain:
- when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains
- how long you will stay
- how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.