You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain: - when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains - how long you will stay - how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to get some information about the accommodation at your hostel during our visit to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am in charge of the trip for a group of students and would appreciate your assistance regarding this. I am John Miller, a lecturer at St Joseph’s College in Perth. We are planning to take a trip to Australia next month and would stay there from 2nd May to 7th May. We would like to visit the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with our students as part of a study excursion. We have planned to stay at your Hostel during this trip for one week. We are a group of 20 students and 3 lecturers and we require accommodation of 5 double bedrooms and 2 large deluxe rooms. It would be great if we can get rooms with attached bathrooms and kitchens because some of our students prefer to cook for themselves. Please let us know the availability of accommodation in the mentioned period and booking details if they are available. Thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, John Miller
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal request wording Original: to get some information about Suggested revision: to enquire about Why it matters: This concise phrasing is more natural in a formal enquiry.
- 2. Correct the destination Original: take a trip to Australia next month Suggested revision: take a trip to the Snowy Mountains next month Why it matters: The group is travelling from Perth within Australia, so the destination should be the Snowy Mountains.
- 3. Use future tense Original: would Suggested revision: will Why it matters: Use the future form for this definite planned visit.
- 4. Lowercase common noun Original: Hostel Suggested revision: hostel Why it matters: A common noun is not capitalised here.
- 5. Make duration consistent Original: for one week Suggested revision: for five nights Why it matters: This duration matches the stated arrival and departure dates of 2 and 7 May.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: of Suggested revision: comprising Why it matters: “Comprising” correctly introduces the requested combination of rooms.
- 7. Use polite conditional Original: if we can get rooms Suggested revision: if we could have rooms Why it matters: The conditional form makes this formal request more appropriately polite.
- 8. Use natural date phrase Original: in the mentioned period Suggested revision: for the dates mentioned Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for referring back to the requested stay dates.
- 9. Streamline date format Original: from 2nd May to 7th May Suggested revision: from 2 to 7 May Why it matters: This concise date range avoids repeating the month.
- 10. Present group clearly Original: a group of 20 students and 3 lecturers Suggested revision: a group comprising 20 students and three lecturers Why it matters: This phrasing introduces the group composition more precisely.
- 11. Use accommodation term Original: 5 double bedrooms Suggested revision: five double rooms Why it matters: “Double rooms” is the usual term when requesting hostel accommodation.
- 12. Spell out small number Original: 2 Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Spelling out this small number is more consistent with formal prose.
Suggested Rewrites
- to get some information about to enquire about
- take a trip to Australia next month take a trip to the Snowy Mountains next month
- would will
- Hostel hostel
- for one week for five nights
- of comprising
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter has a clear formal purpose and provides specific information about the dates, group size, and preferred rooms. Its main weakness is the contradiction between the stated 2–7 May visit and the claim that the group will stay for one week, while the single-block organisation also limits readability. The priority is to reconcile the duration and organise the request into distinct logical paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose, all three bullet points, and an appropriate formal register are covered with relevant detail, although the stated duration is inconsistent.
Make the requested dates and length of stay fully consistent, for example by stating five nights or changing the dates to match one week.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the purpose to trip details and the booking request, but the response is presented as one undivided block with some repetition.
Separate the opening, visit details, accommodation requirements, and closing request into clear paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a sufficiently varied and generally precise formal vocabulary, with a few awkward choices such as accommodation of five double bedrooms.
Use more natural booking collocations, such as we require five double rooms and during the requested period.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex structures is used with generally accurate control and only occasional non-impeding lapses.
Refine conditional and polite request forms, for example using it would be great if we could obtain rooms.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain:
- when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains
- how long you will stay
- how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.