You have recently moved to a new neighbourhood and would like to join a sports centre there. You have found a private sports club. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter: - introduce yourself - say why are you interested in this sports club - ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, membership, costs etc.
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Derek Galvin, and I am writing to express my interest in joining your esteemed sports club, SportHub and Fitness Centre. I have recently moved to the neighbourhood and am eager to become a part of the local sports community. I am hoping that you would kindly answer a couple of my answers and help me join there.
I am particularly drawn to your sports club because of its reputation for providing high-quality facilities and a welcoming atmosphere. As someone who values physical fitness and enjoys participating in various sports activities, I believe that joining your club would not only help me stay active but also allow me to meet like-minded individuals in the community. I have also heard that a good number of employees from our company already have your membership.
Before I proceed with my membership application, I would appreciate it if you could provide me with some additional information about the club. Firstly, I would like to inquire about the range of facilities available, including any sports equipment, training areas, and locker rooms. Secondly, could you please outline the membership options and associated costs? Lastly, I am curious to know if the club offers any group classes or personalized training sessions.
Thank you for considering my inquiries, and I look forward to your response.
Yours faithfully,
Derek Galvin
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid excessive formality Original: esteemed Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This adjective sounds overly flattering in a straightforward membership enquiry.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: become a part of Suggested revision: join Why it matters: The shorter verb expresses the same idea more directly.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: a couple of my answers Suggested revision: a few of my questions Why it matters: The manager will answer the writer's questions, not the writer's answers.
- 4. Name the destination Original: join there Suggested revision: join the club Why it matters: The original adverb is an unnatural complement for 'join' in this context.
- 5. Reduce redundancy Original: various sports activities Suggested revision: a range of sports Why it matters: This wording conveys variety without the redundant noun 'activities'.
- 6. Use precise quantity Original: a good number of employees Suggested revision: several employees Why it matters: The concise quantifier sounds more natural in this formal letter.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: have your membership Suggested revision: are members of your club Why it matters: English uses 'be a member of' to describe belonging to a club.
- 8. Make wording concise Original: Before I proceed with my membership application Suggested revision: Before applying for membership Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary nominal wording while preserving the sequence.
- 9. Use direct question Original: I am curious to know if Suggested revision: could you also let me know whether Why it matters: This form follows 'Lastly,' naturally and makes the request more direct.
- 10. Use natural closing Original: considering my inquiries Suggested revision: your time Why it matters: Thanking the manager for their time is more idiomatic before a response has been received.
Suggested Rewrites
- esteemed Delete
- become a part of join
- a couple of my answers a few of my questions
- join there join the club
- various sports activities a range of sports
- a good number of employees several employees
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter is comprehensive, well organised, and consistently formal, with a clear introduction, convincing reasons for joining, and a focused set of membership questions. Its main limitation is a small cluster of unnatural expressions that stand out against otherwise precise and fluent language. The highest priority is to refine these collocations so that every request sounds idiomatic and professionally polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter fully introduces the writer, explains the interest in the club, and asks developed questions about facilities, membership costs, classes, and training.
Add one concrete personal detail, such as a preferred sport or training goal, to make the reason for joining even more specific.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing separates the introduction, motivation, and enquiries, while cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the detailed questions.
Maintain this strong structure while reducing reliance on enumerative transitions when the logical relationship is already clear.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise formal vocabulary is used flexibly, although answer a couple of my answers, join there, and have your membership are unnatural collocations.
Replace the awkward phrases with answer a couple of my questions, join the club, and are already members.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine the isolated complement and possession patterns so the strongest complex sentences are matched by fully natural phrasing throughout.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have recently moved to a new neighbourhood and would like to join a sports centre there. You have found a private sports club. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- say why are you interested in this sports club
- ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, membership, costs etc.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.